The gift of forgetting

My 97 year old mother is losing her memory. Sometimes it’s a bad thing, but I also think it’s sometimes a good thing. Her marriage to my father was filled with a lot of heartache. He was a serial cheater, and she spent most of my childhood in tears. He didn’t stop cheating until he was too old to do it anymore. They almost split up many times, but she adored him and they stayed together. When he died a few years ago, it broke her heart. But I’ve noticed that lately when she talks about him and their relationship, it’s like she’s talking about a completely different person, because it’s nothing at all like he really was. She’s turned him into this perfect husband in her mind. I admit it’s pretty hard to listen to because he was a lousy father to me too, and caused me a lot of lifelong trauma as a result. But I hold my tongue and let her have her fantasy memories, because she has earned them.


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Feb 7, 2023 at 11:50am

Speaking as an outsider, this all sounds perfectly okay. Your mom wants to make her dead husband into a saint. Happens all the time.

I dare say my wife might well do something similar to me when I'm dead, lol

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Feb 12, 2023 at 8:08am

I admire you! I know this is hard for you. Sending you blessings and peace.

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Feb 12, 2023 at 1:33pm

You are a caring person even though you may want to bash the shit out of his memory when you mom remembers things differently now.
That must be really hard and I think you sound like a sweet person for doing so. Especially at her age there really is no point in correcting her.
Nobody really wants to believe that people can be so horrible but sometimes they truly are.
May your days be bright and sunny ahead !

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Feb 17, 2023 at 5:58am

Don’t forget the line, “is it better to be right or kind?”

It’s from the article you plagiarized

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