Healthy purging

We all should be with someone who makes us feel good and good about ourselves. Proving I could do that stopped feeling good when he went out of his way to prove how incapable he is; to do so means it's not all about him, which is not in his wheelhouse apparently. He won't change, nor does he see any value in thoughtful introspection, personal accountability (he genuinely doesn't think he ever has to apologize...or even knows how to, come to think of it), or self-improvement. Rather, he brings out a side of me that I don't want to have. He once inspired me to try to be better so I could be my best for him, and now, with each act of selfishness, he inspires me to be malevolent in my candor to hold a mirror to all that he really is. I may be very good at that... a natural, in fact... but that's not who or how I want to be nor is he a person I want to give my valuable energy to in reviving that side of me. I left behind my past to get away from people who gleefully fostered that cruel gift so I could be a person that I liked that made others feel good. The last thing I want is someone to resuscitate that homegrown talent to entertain their boredom. The more I think about it, the less I want to think of him. The less I do, the less I desire him, and, for once, that finally feels good. I welcome every aspect of his essence to fade into the past to make room for everything that is better, healthier and more joyful. And so it is.


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I could…

Feb 28, 2023 at 6:21pm

…have written this. I’ve wondered for a while if the person who affected me like this is also trying to convince some other woman that they’re meant for each other. It’s as if we’re talking about the same person. But just like you, I’d say that the bloom is definitely off the rose. Once you’re away long enough from someone so obviously self-obsessed and incapable of genuine intimacy or growth, you begin to see so much clearer. I gave him multiple clues that I’m waiting to see any hint of that, but so far nothing. So we remain apart, and regardless of those times when I feel nostalgic or lonely, it’s still better than feeling like he made me feel for so many years, and I am beginning to see glimpses of the woman I was before I became entangled with him. She’s strong.

3 1Rating: +2


Mar 1, 2023 at 11:14am

let the good times roll

5 3Rating: +2


Mar 4, 2023 at 9:15pm

Why are you even reflecting on this person ?
They sound like a piece of poo poo.
Let it go !
So refreshing moving on !
Like a dog shaking a tick off their back.
Ahhhhhhhhhh !

3 0Rating: +3

@ I could

Mar 6, 2023 at 7:15am

You gave him “multiple clues”… he sounds like the type of person who does not take clues… plain honest truth sounds like the way to go.

2 0Rating: +2

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