posted February 6th, 2023 at 6:12 PM
I just realized my mother is the root of my trauma. I need to acknowledge that she too had a mother who was the root of her trauma. Where does it end.
posted February 6th, 2023 at 6:12 PM
Dan offers some advice on where she might find it.
You and your sister were at the next table, eating. I asked if you were eating chicken or squid....
13 CommentsPost a Comment
Feb 7, 2023 at 10:54am
I highly recommend reading The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller and Discovering the Inner Mother by Bethany Webster.
Know that you're not alone. We are in an era where a lot of people are making deep discoveries about maternal wounding. And yes – we now have the cultural knowledge available to process and integrate this wound, understand the oppressive patriarchal forces from which it originated, and make sure it ends with us.
Feb 7, 2023 at 10:58am
I suppose I could jump on this blame mom bandwagon, but I'm not going to.
Feb 7, 2023 at 12:50pm
It ends with us - either through never having any children, or by being such amazing parents that they are never traumatized in the first place. Ever. That takes a hell of a lot though - in my experience over 90% of parents are simply not up to the task of ethically having and raising children, and so the poor things inevitably end up traumatized, enslaved, or stifled in one way or another, to varying degrees.
It would also be a relief if prospective parents would extensively practice directly communicating with their to-be children well before conception, to get a clear idea of exactly who will be or could be incarnating into physical embodiment through them, and to mutually directly disallow any unethical life designs from being born through them, at the very least. Sadly it seems like hardly anyone even realizes this is possible, and virtually nobody does it, instead allowing multiple avoidable potential negative influences or violations affect the to-be-born, sometimes to disastrous and tragic outcomes.
Feb 7, 2023 at 1:55pm
Hurt people hurt people
Feb 7, 2023 at 7:00pm
So where and when did the hurting start. Secularists say we are evolutionary monkeys, and church people of various stripes say there's been a spiritual default. I tend to believe both views are correct. Anyways we can't change what happened in the past but we do have the free will volition to change our now and tomorrow. If enough of us get with it maybe, just maybe, we can activate the 'butterfly effect' and pull this World back from the brink of the total destruction of a WW3 and a Climate Collapse.
Wouldn’t it be nice
Feb 7, 2023 at 10:52pm
We are all of us products of the past. There’s no escaping that. The comment suggesting that somehow every person who could possibly reproduce should be communicating with the essence of a child that has yet to be conceived is patently absurd. Nice to think of but absurd just the same. All any human can do is the best we can with the knowledge we possess at the time. Honestly some people just take themselves far too seriously. Just do your best, try to educate yourself as much as possible, and ffs don’t expect perfection! We are above all, animals. Humans yes, but animals at the core of it all, and we grow through experience.
Feb 8, 2023 at 12:33am
You call it trauma, but likely it's regular feelings that all humans have. Embrace the everyday, touch the grass, touch the tree, gaze at the sky, visit with a friend. Do not traumatize yourself thinking everyone else had it better. Life is work, messy, difficult, fun, sad and joyful.
Feb 8, 2023 at 7:28am
It stops with you !
As hard as this may sound just realizing that you don't want to inflict any of your bullshit onto your child. Give them the chance to grow up feeling loved and understand them as the individuals they are, give them the positive reinforcement to move on in this messed up world and do the amazing things that they love in their hearts.
Something you may have never received in your childhood but always wanted yourself.
Get out of your own ass and just try !
All children really want is love and listen to
It might surprise you to know that maybe they already are smarter than you.
I can relate
Feb 8, 2023 at 12:35pm
I highly recommend looking up "Adult Children of Alcoholics®& Dysfunctional Families" to see if you would benefit from participating. I joined last year and the insight and personal growth has been phenomenal. It's not about blame & finger pointing....it's about realization & change.
@Wouldn't it be nice
Feb 9, 2023 at 1:11pm
It's not absurd, it just hasn't happened yet. I realize that in this time period it isn't realistic to expect every parent to utilize those abilities in order to ethically have children, and we all do the best (I hope) with what we have, but it remains a real and developable ability regardless. In the absence of something like a (benevolent, uncontrollable) artificial superintelligence-induced planetary paradise where all of the harms of unaware procreational rouletting are prevented by that ASI being merged with the bodies of all living beings, it also remains the only ethical way of having children, along with all of the other relevant factors (intentional absence and prevention of abuse and traumatization, enough material abundance, the vibrant health of both parents, the deep self-awareness and maturity of both parents, not being born into an extremely dystopian society, etc).
It's a very high standard to meet, but it's not impossible. Anything less than that and personally I wouldn't ever allow anyone to be born through me, as I'd be essentially forcing a being into physical embodiment *without even thoroughly knowing or actively participating in the details beforehand*, and on top of that subjecting them to needless suffering and over-limitation - and that's heartbreaking to me.
And thankfully, avoidable. The greater the magnitude of effect to sentient beings, the larger the ethical responsibility - and I can't think of a whole lot of things with more potential impact in both positive and/or negative directions than the act of bringing an embodied consciousness and life into this planet. Intentionally not rouletting human beings into physicality via extensive prior practice solves a hell of a lot of problems.
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