I didn’t ask

Most of the time when someone is sharing their experience and feelings about something, they’re just expressing themselves. It doesn’t mean they want or need you to tell them what to do. That habit is a bad one that far too many people seem to have. If I’m frustrated maybe I just want to talk about it. I’m not asking for your advice, I just want an ear sometimes. I do it for people all the time, but for some reason if I try to share my own feelings or situations with others, 9 times out of ten they immediately jump to telling me what to do. It drives me nuts and it makes me feel completely unheard. I think it’s a patronizing way to treat others because you’re basically telling them that you know better than they do. Just stop please. If I want your advice I’ll let you know.


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Both ways

Mar 30, 2023 at 11:22am

Listeners: Learn that it's best practice not to give advice unless asked.

Speakers: Prior to sharing feelings, ask whether the person has the capacity to listen, and state that you're not looking for advice, just to vent.

Giving advice can seem like a natural way to provide resolution to someone else's pain, but often does the opposite, as OP says.

However, it can also be a signal that the listener is getting exhausted and can't take on additional care tasks. That's why it's good to ask before sharing and state an intention for what you hope to receive from the interaction.

7 1Rating: +6


Mar 30, 2023 at 11:40am

If you don't want my advice then keep your problems to yourself. I have problems of my own to deal with.

8 2Rating: +6

Good rule of thumb

Mar 30, 2023 at 1:57pm

I find it helpful to start with ‘I’m just looking to vent and have some comfort on this’ before I start launching in. I find it works every time.

6 1Rating: +5


Mar 30, 2023 at 2:50pm

I know someone just like you OP, or I used to know them anyways.

Instead of being upset with these people, it might help to realize that if you present a problem to someone, as a friend they are going to try to help you solve it.
If when you are "expressing yourself" and you are coming off as upset, frustrated, or angry someone in your world who's your friend, or ever a stranger will try to give you advice if they feel it may help. You do see this right? If spoke to someone about a problem, it's because i'm looking for feedback or a solution.
If you can't see this is the case there is a even bigger problem. Good Luck

7 1Rating: +6


Mar 30, 2023 at 6:36pm

Maybe they just want you to shui the hell up so they interrupt you with some half hearted advice. I could be wrong :)

5 1Rating: +4

Huru Guru

Mar 30, 2023 at 8:30pm

Everyone's a guru these days, it seems. It's an opportunity to talk about yourself in this age of narcissism.

4 2Rating: +2

We're all individuals

Mar 31, 2023 at 10:22pm

You want the listener to understand where you're coming from or accept your view. But instead they try to fix something about you that isn't broken

1 1Rating: 0

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