I recognize the pattern.

Just keep your head above water, try your best to be helpful to yourself and others. You'll be ok.

Why do u have to?

Sounds like another guy whose wife left him and demanded alimony putting him into debt.
Even if that's not it you should share the details so that the guilty person feels fear, if they read these confessions.

that's what i tell myself, and most days when i read the news i see that's true. but i keep pretty much to myself too because my mom trained me to put up with shit by marrying a remorseless bullshitter.

Sun rises, full moon light , walks, swims, laughter, bird songs, sweet desserts, lovers, ocean breeze’s, strange encounters, sea lions, whales, sunsets, pets, bike rides, rivers, hiking, coffee, parents, friends… lots of reasons besides just work and bills!

Nobody is living the life they had pictured. Try to help those less fortunate than you.

not everybody has a bright future. not everyone's success is in front of them. Over the course of 2022 I have seen more than a few parents heading towards divorce on the simple aspect of their own pride. they changed careers and jobs, but seemingly as a reason to not face their own mirror. if you feel yourself off track... take a step back. face the true shit you want to change and change it. change it regardless of whether the outcome is the desired impact. you want change. that's what your words are saying.

What constitutes a bad person ? We would need more details to comment really.
The world is full of zombies now so I don't think anyone would even notice.