Who’s it really for?

I get confused about the gifts some people tend to give to others. Like I can’t tell if the gifts are for the other person or for themselves. Example: someone gives you something you don’t really want or need but it’s something they want for themselves and they’ll get to enjoy it if they give it to you. Especially if you live together. Is that a gift for you or them? My former partner did this all the time and when I finally called them out on it they accused me of being selfish and ungrateful. I can only remember one time when they seemed to put effort into choosing a gift with me in mind and that was the very first year we were together. After that it was always something they got to use as much or more than me. Sometimes I even said repeatedly that I really didn’t want the thing they wanted to give me and even asked them specifically not to get it because I preferred something completely different. But they gave it to me anyway and got to use it all the time. So I think those types of presents aren’t for anybody but themselves. I have pondered this a lot because they always accused me of being selfish and not appreciating anything. But when I give someone a gift I try to make it something that they want or need and I don’t think about whether or not it’s something I want because to e gift isn’t for me. If I’m not sure what to get I ask them if there’s anything they really want or need. We aren’t together anymore but it’s taken me years to learn to trust myself again and to not believe all the awful things they always said about me. I’m curious to know if anyone else has had similar experiences with someone who does that?

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