What’s the point in bringing up the past when there’s nothing you can do about it? People often harp about how they long for “the good old days” or “coulda, woulda shoulda” and so forth etc. Wouldn’t it be better to just accept some situations as they are and move on? No use in worrying over things that can’t be changed.


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Ideally yes

Sep 28, 2023 at 11:17am

But sometimes no because there were lies told.

6 0Rating: +6

Owl in the tree

Sep 28, 2023 at 2:45pm

I know what you’re saying, it’s not necessarily a good thing to dwell on the past.

But understanding the past is also the best way to learn from the past. How do we make sure old mistakes aren’t made again if we don’t reflect? Understanding past experience is crucial to move forward in a healthy and informed way.

Just accepting situations for ‘what they are’ and moving on is great if these are things you/we have no control over. But if examining our actions that didn’t work in the past allows us to improve our situation now and into the future—and I think a healthy person would practice that introspection—I’m all for it.

Your comment sounds a little defeatist, as though you have no control over your environment, so just accept your fate… it’s just not true.

10 0Rating: +10

That would be awesome

Sep 29, 2023 at 5:38am

I HATE doing this, I actually do it although try not to. My resentment runs higher than I'd like and i'm doing what I can to bottle it up

1 1Rating: 0

Depends on what you’re talking about

Sep 29, 2023 at 7:57pm

If you mean someone always bemoaning something they did or didn’t do and never learning from it, maybe. But I know someone who only ever brings up the past mistakes that OTHER people did (according to him anyway), but he never believes that anything he did was wrong. So when he’s talking about the past it’s always how someone did him wrong, not about his own behaviour. We should all be aware of how our past behaviour and beliefs contributed to whatever happened, and that involves some ruminating about it. Getting stuck in the past is bad, but learning from it is valuable.

2 0Rating: +2

@that would be awesome

Sep 30, 2023 at 8:09pm

Don’t bottle up resentment otherwise you just become a ticking timebomb.
Get help dealing with the intense emotions, there are things you can do on your own at home that will help.

1 0Rating: +1

Re: Depends

Oct 16, 2023 at 5:10pm

There’s lots of people like that in this world and a lot of the time, it gets deeper, coming from family members. I’ll share an example with you. When my eldest cousin lost his Father to a brain stroke, we tried to get in touch with him to give our condolences and support him. Unfortunately, my cousin dodged our calls since he blames us for his problems. He’s a very pained person and he expresses his pain the way he wants to. He’s just so incredibly bitter over old family drama that went on between his dad, my dad and the rest of their siblings. It’s one thing for adults to have their squabbles, but leave the kids out of it. Don’t involve them. Kids are innocent bystanders.

0 0Rating: 0


Oct 16, 2023 at 11:09pm

You basically described my grandpa. He abused my mom and grandmother. Never accepted any responsibility for his actions right up until the last breath of his life.

0 0Rating: 0

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