I honestly don't know what to do

It's a long time male-female friendship. Do I tell him how I feel and possibly implode the best friendship I've ever had in my life? I honestly don't know what to do here. It feels exhausting.

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Sounds like a good match

Oct 23, 2023 at 2:08pm

Your spouse is suppose to be like your best friend, so, unless you or him plan on having some other best friend of the opposite sex I'd say go for it. I don't suggest you wear your heart on your sleeve and spill all your guts on how you feel. Just let him know that you think you have developed a bit of a crush on him or something like that. Just test the water, don't go jumping right in.

@sounds like

Oct 26, 2023 at 4:31pm

Yah, no. If the guy was interested in more than friendship he would have taken some kind of action before now. “Long time” friendships don’t just suddenly become lover relationships except in the movies. It’s nice if you feel like your lover is also your best friend, but that doesn’t mean that your best friend should also be your lover.

@@ Sounds like

Oct 27, 2023 at 7:07pm

Regardless of your opinion if the guy ends up with another woman the new woman will move in her spot as the new best friend and she won't want him around the old. Same goes if she ends up with another guy, he won't want him around her either. She already knows if this guy cares for her or not especially if he's only making time for her and not pursuing anyone else. He probably dotes on her constantly.

8 17Rating: -9

@@@sounds like

Oct 30, 2023 at 8:14pm

Not necessarily. I know a guy who has this one woman friend that he spends time with when whoever he’s in a relationship with isn’t available. So he’s not doting on her as much as he’s using her for a place to hang out. I’m not saying he doesn’t care about her at all, but he would go for months without talking to her when he was involved with someone else.

17 4Rating: +13

@@@@ sounds like

Oct 31, 2023 at 8:07pm

Well, I'm sure the OP knows whether or not the the dynamics of some other guy's character and his relationships that you know of sound anyway like the guy she knows. One thing I know for a fact is that therw are petty people that will often maliciously give bad advice to dissuade someone else from having a potentially wonderful relationship. They do this out of jealousy because they've blown their own chance in the past of having such a once in a life time relationship for themselves. They now carry an attitude of "if I can't be happy and truly in love with someone then no one else should either. " Perhaps this is something you need reflect on before you give anymore wrong advice.

7 16Rating: -9

Sundowner

Nov 2, 2023 at 5:13am

My partner and I were friends for 26 years before we became a couple. We met at work, and there was an instant ease between us. We were, however, on two very different life journeys. She was a nomad, an artist, on a journey to explore herself and the whole world. I was a dad, shared custody, with a life schedule that didn't have her flexibility. But we stayed friends throughout our journeys, talking about our relationships, life experiences, life values. And the conversations and sharing was always so easy between us. We valued the closeness, but both knew that our journeys were too different to try and join.. Until they were no longer different... We had that moment, when we realized that as life changes, our journeys change, and we were running parallel. And she then told me "she loved me". Not a friendship love..I didn't realize she felt that way.

With lots of caution we started the partnership. With the easy communication, and with very few unknowns from years of friendship, we found it relatively easy. The open communication made the intimacy amazing. We took a couples course to give us the tools to work through the few things we didn't see coming, and also the things we did see coming. I never knew a relationship could be so deep, so close, so empowering, but all those years of friendship was an amazing foundation.

Our shared journey has been two years, but she recently was diagnosed with inoperable Glioblastoma. Despite the incredible grief, I am so grateful of the time we have had as friends, but even more grateful for the relatively short time we have had as life partners and lovers. This horrible disease is already robbing us of the person she was, (Aphasia, personality changes), but the universe brought us together for a reason. I will be at her side to the end...as her partner.

I say tell them..

@@@@@sounds like

Nov 2, 2023 at 5:35pm

I love how you immediately jump to a conclusion that I’m a petty jealous person when you don’t know the facts. I’ve known this guy as a friend (I’m a guy) for a long time and I’ve watched his MO. Lots of women have fallen for him and he’s still alone because he’s not interested in anything committed. He doesn’t care how they feel as long as he’s getting what he wants.

13 2Rating: +11

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