Transitions

It’s hard to explain. For more than a decade I had a home, a family with my roommates, community, I laughed on a regular basis, I had a social life. Next I’m frantically showing complete strangers photos of my old house like a grieving parent shows photos of a long lost child and trying not to tear up. It’s been years. I still haven’t recovered from losing the home I thought I would grow old in and I feel embarrassed. I still try to find ways to explain what it feels like. A divorce. Empty nest syndrome. A church disbanding. A community centre shutting down. Graduating. Your best friends moving away. It’s kind of like all those things together. But it’s not. A home means a lot to me. I wish it didn’t so it wouldn’t hurt the way this continues to. Sometimes I wonder if it’s like losing your manhood. From all outer appearances you may look fine but a key part of you is missing. Like a woman losing a womb. Missing this sacred space for nurturing, love, connection, self, belonging. And I’m supposed to just bounce back. Find somewhere else to live, meet new people, do things, find new opportunities to laugh again. This is the hard part. To hold on with open hands, not let go completely, and allow myself room to grasp onto new things. But I miss my home, how special it was and grief keeps coming back like an abscess. Moving on feels like opening myself to a heartbreak all over again. Tolerating pain, uncertainty, fear, and change seems easier with loved ones nearby. Building new relationships takes time, effort. And I feel so tired.

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I've got a similar painful history

Oct 4, 2023 at 12:30pm

And best I can see it, this World dimension is a rough roads school. Regardless its natural to wish otherwise, but we've got to respect the teachers, do our homework and pass the tests so that we can graduate to the next dimensions. Many of us are like a young student challenged with a subject ie. math. We can take the homework assignment and sit around the kitchen table with a parent helping tutor us, but they can't do the assignment for us, nor write the tests to pass to the next grade. We've got to learn to do for self and we've got to train our minds to learn the subject material. I wish you all a good future.

2 0Rating: +2

Totally Understandable

Oct 4, 2023 at 4:31pm

Things change too quickly in this era. I often get emotional wanting to go "home", meaning the house I grew up in. Same re: the home I had to leave recently after the longest stretch I've experienced, 13 years. I can't help but contrast - on my father's side, the family property stayed for over 250 years, on my mother's, so far back in time no one knows, same village. Yet I've moved dozens of times in my life. We are sadly rootless.

8 0Rating: +8

Hard feelings

Oct 4, 2023 at 7:01pm

I’ve lost many homes, but because I spent my childhood being moved from one place to another I rarely allowed myself to become truly attached to any one place. But that’s not the case with the last place that felt like home and losing it was really hard. I’ve owned homes and lost them in a divorce, I’ve had to sell one when I lost a career, and never could get back into the market. It’s hard when you lose so much. I’ve lost a womb too, but that isn’t “losing womanhood” because a woman is so much more than a womb. It’s okay to grieve your losses in life, and to allow yourself the time to recover and move on. But the key is the moving on part. Try not to get so bogged down in what happened that you get stuck in the past. Acknowledge the pain and the loss, and then look forward at the new things life has to offer. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, so the best we can do is buckle up for the ride and try to find some peace and joy along the way.

12 0Rating: +12

Oh, friend ..

Oct 5, 2023 at 12:21am

.. you put it all into words. I feel this so hard.

8 0Rating: +8

I feel for you!

Oct 5, 2023 at 1:29am

Dude, I’m totally in the same situation! My home was everything that I had worked toward for years. Finally got there, long marriage breaks up. Eventually forced out, devastated. I’ve been in this basement suite for a couple of years and I’m just now starting to continue purging belongings to fit in my new circumstances. I needed a long time of healing and recovery from the trauma of losing my home, so I tried not to beat myself up for not being fully functional during that time. I guess I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your situation, I sympathize, and remember to grant yourself grace for your recovery. Best of luck to you.

11 0Rating: +11

This thread exemplifies confessions at its best.

Oct 5, 2023 at 2:45pm

Vulnerable, relatable post that gets to the heart of the matter. No gossip, complaints, or finger pointing. Empathetic replies from people who have their own stories of loss.

Good work, team. Way to elevate the vibe of this place.

8 3Rating: +5

Anonymous

Oct 5, 2023 at 5:26pm

I started over before, it was tough and depressing at first but I eventually found my beat. I miss those connections alot and I should have kept my past connections at the time too. But I gained independence, social warmth, new perspectives, the knowledge that if I need to, I can start again and to appreciate my connections and life. It is tough and I kinda don't understand why u can't have some conversations with ur former roommates but I think ull get tge hang of it, between hobbies freedom to try new things and being open to talking to people. Also I hear you about the house. But I think ur feelings will improve with time, it's a thing and a representation of that point in ur life but u will regain stable footing...but it does take some time. I'm starting over too in terms of absolutely everything and because of my past experience, i think ill do ok once i get thru my hurdle. Good luck

4 0Rating: +4

I hear you.

Oct 5, 2023 at 11:38pm

I had a beautiful home with my husband. We chose every item carefully and it was our sanctuary. We lived so happily there together between 2012 and December 2019 when he went to hospital, and then in early 2020 he died of cancer. I spent lockdown in the apartment alone. It was my solice and my sad little grief prison. I had covid in there and almost died myself. Then I was just starting to go through our belongings and then it flooded. I found this Welsh word called hiraeth that I think of often.

"Hiraeth, commonly is translated as homesickness but it is more than that. It means a deep sense of longing, a yearning for that which has past, a sense of homesickness tinged with grief or sorrow over the lost or departed."

Hiraeth is what I have. I also think often of the lyrics of an Elliott Smith song." Someone turned the key in the lock of where I come from".
I can't explain it any other way. Just all sense of home imploding. Every devastating heartbreak of everything comfortable and safe just falling out from under. I don't think I'll ever get over it and my loss of home has interrupted my grieving process in a way I cannot even fully process.

13 0Rating: +13

Once Again..

Oct 6, 2023 at 7:39pm

It all comes down to leaving Canada, and especially Vancouver, if at all possible.
The US has much cheaper real estate,but in Mexico, Thailand, and the Philippines you can get a steal of a deal.

On Koh Samui Thailand I bought a 3 bedroom, ocean view villa with infinity pool and ocean views for $140k...

1 0Rating: +1

Very Good

Oct 13, 2023 at 2:46pm

It hurts! Oh yes. That first big split with the home/people you love. My advice is boring: in time, you adapt. Also, you'll get better at this. In the meantime, no need to be ashamed. Everyone has their first big WTF is going on moment. I think you'll find yourself again if you embrace this pain and weird time. It could all be leading to something new...a new life, a new love? Good luck man.

0 0Rating: 0

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