After my parent passed I started thinking about one of our last conversations. They told me that they weren't worried about me. They worked the same job for 40+ years and you could set a watch to their routine. I, on the other hand, change paths every year or so and in no way related to what I was previously doing. I meander. Obviously its cliche to do the opposite of a parent. But they told me my paths, even the horrible failures, were always entertaining to them. They stayed in their lane out of strength to raise their kids, but in every way did not want their kids to do the same. I loved my parents and got to have amazing last conversations with them. But as time rolls on I have something I never had. A love of the life I lived while they were alive, and a self love of myself that I did not have until they espoused their words in the finals weeks to me.