Behind

All of my friends are either married or in serious relationships. I always feel like the 3rd wheel and have found that they are planning couples outings without me or playdates for their kids. I am 37 years old and I really want to have children and marry a good man. I don't know why I can't seem to meet a guy who doesn't just want a one night stand. I feel like I have been left behind.

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Alrighty

Jan 23, 2024 at 11:14am

Look up the confession from last month called "Giving Up." There's a comment for that post titled "Bait" that will have your answer.

1 2Rating: -1

Here we go

Jan 23, 2024 at 2:07pm

As someone who's older you're at the age where your friends starting getting divorces, so expect to have someone crying on your shoulder soon, and going out for drinks as your friend makes an effort to get back into "the dating game."

6 2Rating: +4

Hey OP

Jan 23, 2024 at 4:11pm

What single/never married guy at the the age of ~40 wants to lose his lifetime of investments and all that he's worked decades for- and put off retirement until 65 or 70... instead of retiring at 50-55?

And if he's single and divorced, he's paying alimony and support and lost the house/retirement fund, and trying to rebuild so he doesn't have to work until he's 80. There's no time nor money to support you and a new family.
That's why.

But this exact same "confession" gets posted about once a month, same answers exist there.
https://www.straight.com/confessions/2312/giving-up

https://www.straight.com/confessions/2312/confused

7 4Rating: +3

@op

Jan 23, 2024 at 4:30pm

We're similar in age but in very different boats. I don't want a marriage or children. Love my married friends and love children, but not my personal cup of tea. BUT if I did, if that's what my heart really, truly wanted, then I would make it a new full time job. Seriously. If you already have a full time job, too bad now you've got a second one. And what do you do in this new full time job? Volunteer, take night classes, learn new hobbies, grab lunch at cafes you've never been to before. Open yourself up to meeting new people and going to new places. Make eye contact with people. Smile. Be friendly. Be courteous. But it has to be a commitment on your part. You have to throw yourself into this new endeavor. Oh and if your friends are excluding you from couples activities or kids activities, those aren't your friends. Plenty of married couples I know include single friends in dinners, outings, etc. If you feel routinely excluded and ignored, it's time to find new friends. And that's where the volunteering and new hobbies and new places comes in! You see? My plan just might work! Good luck op.

10 1Rating: +9

Sadly they will

Jan 24, 2024 at 12:51am

My husband died and all of my good friends abandoned me. Even before that, it was drifting into "kids" and "no kids" social camps. No matter how many times we said we like hanging with kids, appreciate being invited to/attending kids birthday parties, etc, the drifting happened. The kid people would say things like, "oh we thought you'd be bored so didn't invite you" or "oh it's not interesting for you, you wouldn't want to come" etc etc. Also they wouldn't really trust us to babysit their kids. Ridiculous since I'm an auntie and am responsible, professional, don't do drugs, rarely drink, know first aid, etc. One of my best friends had a kid very young so I was helping rear a kid back when most of these people were still living at home and having parents pay for everything.
Then after my husband died of cancer, all of the women seemed to get suspicious that I would "steal their husbands". Ridiculous. These were all good friends going back years. As if I'd want their husbands!

All of my childless friends and solo friends get shafted by the parents too. I have only one couple with kids who still include me, and for that I am super grateful.
I think many parents see us and it reminds them of their lives before. I don't think they like to think about the freedom they gave up. This is based on passive aggressive "must be nice" comments they have soad to me ("must be nice to have quiet, must be nice to have a clean home, must be nice to go out whenever you want" etc). I also get sick of women treating me as if I'm not fully an adult or not fully a woman since I haven't had kids. Eff that! I moved out at 17 and put myself through university, got married, and was a caregiver for my loving husband after he got cancer and until he died. I dontbsay to them, "you're not a real woman until you've helped remove surgical gauze from your 185lb husband's 50 staple surgery" or "you're not a real woman until you've helped your husband remember how to spell his own name". It's not a contest.

Screw any woman who tried to use her uterus or motherhood as a contest to "win" being an adult female. I'm over it. Sadly many of them changed and became more conventional. I miss them but it seems they do not miss me. I'm 41 now. This all started mid-late 30s.

13 3Rating: +10

Ages

Jan 24, 2024 at 7:28pm

The top marrying ages for men are from 27 to 32.
After 32, the percent of men who want to get married drops quickly each year and by the age of 37-40, the chances of him having a first marriage/family are virtually zero. As he is now saving for early retirement, travelling, have a hobby car etc.
Those are the facts

3 1Rating: +2

Acceptance

Jan 25, 2024 at 8:47pm

I know it’s not easy to hear, but I’ve learned that fighting what is actually happening in your life rarely leads to change. More likely it leads to anger and depression. But accepting your present reality can lead to a sense of calmness and peace. That doesn’t mean that nothing will change, just that you’ll be in a more relaxed state of mind and better able to think of ways to move forward in the direction you want. Panic rarely results in positive change. Deep breaths and focus on what you have right now that is good will help. Ignore the negative comments above. What is meant for you will come in its time.

1 0Rating: +1

Anonymous

Jan 27, 2024 at 12:29pm

try online. I know lots of people around your age who have found their significant others that way. you are more likely to find someone with a similar mindset online than wading through the random crapshoot of your immediate surroundings. it's easier to be yourself online and focus on what's important.

1 1Rating: 0

John

Jan 31, 2024 at 8:11am

did your friends wait until their late thirties to settle down?

Maybe lower your expectations in who you are looking for to settle down with, if guys only want you for a one night stand that should be a clue to you that they are too high.

0 0Rating: 0

Joan

Jan 31, 2024 at 8:14am

“Then after my husband died of cancer, all of the women seemed to get suspicious that I would "steal their husbands". Awful but sadly relatable

0 0Rating: 0

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