Make it real or nothing

I’m done with fake anything or crumbs of love and affection. I’m totally capable of living alone and no way I’m going to sacrifice the peace I’ve finally found for somebody else’s comfort. I don’t care if they think I should settle for a half-assed facsimile of a relationship just because they think it’s better than being alone. Not for me it isn’t. I’ve felt more alone in a bad relationship than I’ve ever felt by myself.


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I know right?

Jan 26, 2024 at 1:32pm

Same, I've had people say, "who's going to look after you when you get old?" I guess that's more important than being in a happy, fulfilling relationship? That's a roommate, not a spouse.

7 1Rating: +6

I've had cancer for 5 years

Jan 28, 2024 at 8:59pm

And I've not been able to tell anyone or talk to anyone about it because I have no friends. Are you sure you want that kind of loneliness?

7 1Rating: +6

Me, too

Jan 29, 2024 at 12:19pm

People who haven't been through it don't know the pain of loneliness in an unhappy marriage/common-law relationship. It's very isolating as the lonely person feels they can't talk to anyone about it (without being disloyal to their spouse) and if they're talking to someone who doesn't understand, they feel even more isolated. That doesn't even factor in the pain of emotional/verbal abuse from the spouse, criticism, all those things that can destroy self-esteem. Yep, I love living on my own - I can do what I want, be who I am, without criticism or being made to feel that I am less than human. There may be times when I'd like to have someone to go do stuff with on a regular basis, but when I was married, my spouse wouldn't do stuff with me so I was going alone anyway. Much happier on my own. All the best to you!

7 1Rating: +6

@I have

Jan 29, 2024 at 5:25pm

I’m very sad for you that you’re living with such a difficult situation alone. That’s not my particular issue however. While I may not presently have a partner, I am not without support from friends and family. Having experienced some very unhappy relationships in the past, I’m no longer willing to settle for crumbs because the other person doesn’t want to be alone. I know very well that the main reason they’re pushing for me to accept their terms is solely because they don’t have any other options right now. I’m not a last resort, and I will never settle for being one, no matter what.

5 2Rating: +3

@ I know

Jan 29, 2024 at 5:27pm

Not to mention that in my case the person doing the looking after would be me. Been there, done that, not doing it again!

4 1Rating: +3

@I know right?

Jan 29, 2024 at 8:13pm

"But who will care for you when you are old?" Don't forget having children. Bringing a person into the world is selfish, who's going to look after me, not that person is going to face hardship and loss, and eventually old age and death. The negatives out weight the positives, IMO.

5 2Rating: +3

Yeah. Ladies do ask for attention.

Feb 3, 2024 at 12:11pm

In my experience, they pretend to give it, but it's generally a smoke screen for demanding it back with interest.

1 3Rating: -2

@ I have

Feb 12, 2024 at 7:36am

What are “ their terms” ?

0 0Rating: 0

@@I have

Feb 12, 2024 at 10:06pm

Their terms are that I accept everything exactly the way they want it to be, regardless of what I want or need. It’s entirely one sided. They get to come and go as they please, not have any commitment at all, not have to contribute to finances or pay for anything, use my space like it’s theirs, you name it. They want all the benefits of a genuine relationship without any of the responsibilities. Not a chance I’m going for that just so that I can have their company once in a while! I’m quite happy with my own company and would rather spend the rest of my life alone than settle for the crumbs they’re offering.

0 0Rating: 0

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