Middle age dating

I was never a catch. A dreamer never is. However, in recent years and through unconventional ways I have acquired a house, a car and my career is stable. In the last ten years I had a bout with detox over a 12 month span, but that was the outlier, not the trend. If anything, it IS a skeleton in the closet, rather than a hidden. I read many confessions about women with kids and their struggles. Part of my scenario is similar, my generation seems to get married multiple times and somehow every one they've been in has been abusive(men and women). By the time they're in their 40's it's like they've become teenagers all over again, and partial victims. My parents generation generally seemed to have their shit together by their 40's. The pandemic seems to have crashed things even harder. I own a house so I get lots of people trying to get action, but mostly people who don't pay their bills or something. When you've been married before, when you've had kids, and you still are "finding yourself" in your 40's.... you're the red flag. I was the red flag. born and bred. I acknowledged it about myself. The people who said I wasn't good enough to be married to apparently weren't either

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Different point of view

Jan 9, 2024 at 3:21pm

I think our parents had their shit together, at least on the surface, because life was about repressing emotional needs and living in quiet desperation for the sake of looking normal.

I don't think choosing to put oneself first by divorcing someone and losing everything is a sign of immaturity. Sometimes the chips are up, sometimes they're down.

Knowing when to fold' em and walk away with nothing is a badass move that can cause a shaken sense of reality and identity. However, it can also lead to increased wisdom, self-knowledge, and personal power in the long run.

5 0Rating: +5

@ Different

Jan 10, 2024 at 5:37pm

You are so right. As a person who not only did the walk away with nothing thing as well as walking away giving up everything situation, I agree that it’s really hard to do either. Our parents generation (in my case born in late 1920’s) women had very few choices, so they often stayed just because they weren’t allowed to own property, get their own bank accounts, and often if they did leave their husbands would take their children. They couldn’t get jobs that might actually support them with their kids too, so they stayed, tolerating all kinds of abuse in the process. Romanticizing the past is nothing but a fantasy, often voiced by men who are frustrated at their perceived lack of control over their lives, which they frequently blame on the women’s movement that allowed women to have choices about their lives. I watched my own parents and believe me their marriage wasn’t an easy one for my mother. My father on the other hand lived exactly the life he wanted, because it was always his choice. The OP’s opinion that “everyone” is a victim is misplaced, because they obviously can’t know everyone’s personal situation. Lots of people who did choose to leave an unhappy marriage did so for very good reasons, and the fact that they’re enjoying their freedom in their forties is fantastic in my opinion. The Op sounds bitter.

6 0Rating: +6

Our parents

Jan 23, 2024 at 8:11am

We’re just reflections of their time. We live in a very complicated society with red flags everywhere…I think we cope WAY better than they ever could.

0 0Rating: 0

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