piecing mum together

My mom died eons ago, even if it feels like only this morning. One great aspect about her is she had a heck of a taste for music: Cyndi Lauper, Dido, Jefferson Airplane, Boney M, Stevie Nicks, the whole Practical Magic soundtrack... Her car tape deck was awesome and we memorized everything she played. Well over a decade after her passing, I'm only now getting around to listening to them all again, and in doing so piecing her together to try and understand who she really was. While she may always be Mum to me, a day doesn't go by where I wished I knew her as just a normal person too. So many, many questions I never got to ask dance about my mind. It's only when you become an adult on your own, possibly married with/out kids, that in trying to understand yourself, it dawns on you that you've gotta understand the people who raised you too. All the things you took for granted or even hated as a kid now have incredible meaning, especially when the person(s) you inherited them from are no longer within reach. The moral of my story/confession: please spend as much time as you can with your folks and other elders as much you as you can. Or else, when they're gone and you're left piecing their stories together from memory, or sound in my case, you'll really kick yourself in the pants. And no, I don't mean recording them on your phones. Sit down over coffee and cake, and really listen to them, like we all used to do before social media ever existed. Ask lots of questions. We forget that the people who brought us into the world were once in our boats too. They fell in love, had heart break, held their own philosophical views, went crazy... We as their children just tend to see a facade.

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Well put

Jan 9, 2024 at 7:49pm

Had the same convo with my dear old departed mother before she crossed over to the other side. The problem is when you have the time to ask, you don't always know which questions to ask. That's the conundrum.

2 0Rating: +2

Good post

Jan 9, 2024 at 10:22pm

I had wonderful parents but now I know it took them for granted. But I sure do miss them now. But what can I do? We can't change the past but I can do my best to be a better person today and tomorrow.

4 0Rating: +4

Good advice

Jan 12, 2024 at 7:32pm

I only learned certain things about my parents when they were very old. Things that would have really helped me to understand why they were like they were and why they made the choices they did. I have grown children too but they show very little interest in me or my life. In fact when I’ve tried to tell them about some really important things that happened to me they told me that I shouldn’t and made it clear that they didn’t want to know. So I don’t speak about those things. It’s made me feel invisible.

0 0Rating: 0

Althea

Jan 12, 2024 at 9:24pm

I feel this. Last Sunday was the 30th(!) anniversary of my mom's death. I'm 46 so that's a long-ass time without her. There's so many things I didn't think to ask her. And certain music totally reminds me of her, like Rod Stewart and Roxette.

1 0Rating: +1

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