Vegetables? Like what my food eats?

I don't know how to deal with aging parents. I My dad has spent half of the past month and a half in the ICU on 3 separate visits. He has a history of strokes, heart attacks, a bunch of major surgeries, and he's running on about a quarter of a heart. And yet he REFUSES to eat anything remotely healthy. I think it's some sort of macho, political-alignment based stance that I am certain is killing him, and I realize it is his life, but it affects everyone else who has to take care of him... he's almost a vegetable. I came back home to help during this time of hospitalizations... and I feel bad about it but I'm going to fly back across the planet soon and leave him to the ruination of his health, and let my mom deal with him.

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I'd have to say that...

Jan 8, 2024 at 11:41am

Unfortunately, in my opinion the damage has already been done. You can't change someone who doesn't want to change. This sucks big time and I feel for you and your mom and any other family members and friends. It is also possible that your dad may have suffered from some sort of brain damage or dementia which certainly affects decision making. I also feel your anger as you are rendered helpless in the face of your dad's certain fate. Try to not bear too much of this anger and support your mom the best you know how. I wish you peace and hope that when your dad does pass that it will be easy and pain free. ICU and acute care staff and doctors deal with this every day seeing the final effects of poor life styles. xo

4 2Rating: +2

Yes

Jan 8, 2024 at 11:58am

First off, I’m sorry to hear your Dad’s health is in decline. Your story, however, is the duplicate of my best high school friend’s Dad. He was overweight and ate poorly. He eventually had 2 heart attacks. You would think this would be a massive wake up call to change behaviour. But no. After the second heart attack and the doctor telling him to stop smoking and eat more healthy, he was sneaking cigarettes and was eating 2 chocolate bars a day. They would find the wrappers hidden throughout the house. He died soon after. You can’t control someone’s behaviour even if they are marching towards death. It sounds like you’ve done all you can. Stubbornness can literally kill you. Tell him you love him and want him to live. The consequences are very black and white, and it’s up to him to decide to live or not.

4 2Rating: +2

Wow

Jan 15, 2024 at 9:06am

I would never abandon my father (who also has had a heart attack and still smokes). That. is. cold. My father worked his ass off for decades and I am so grateful to him for everything he gave my family... including his health.

1 4Rating: -3

@ wow

Jan 18, 2024 at 6:42am

My dad too… never would I abandon.

0 0Rating: 0

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