Location location location

I live in Richmond and my friend lives downtown. I have always gone to see her, and then take transit (45-60 mins) or Uber home and she walks home from the bar. I asked her to come to my hood for a change. And she refused, saying she’s working on her mental health and prioritizing self care. She won’t even meet me halfway along Skytrain stops. Truly, it’s amazing how friends will farm out all the labour to you, and defend their behaviour.

7 Comments

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My Personal Rules

Feb 29, 2024 at 5:05pm

Is I let it happen twice - then I ask to meet in my area. And if excuses come up I no longer try.

Same thing with dating, if I tried to organize things twice and she said she's too busy- but offers no alternative- I'm done.
And I've been accused of ghosting- when she did it in the first place SMH

7 0Rating: +7

Yes indeed

Feb 29, 2024 at 7:07pm

I relate to this so much. It’s always been me to do all the travelling to visit friends or family. They always say things like “but you live way out there!” which basically just means that I don’t live wherever they do. So when I lived out of the city and they lived in it, I had to travel into the city to visit. But when I lived in the city and they lived outside it, I had to travel to see them there too. I’ve finally accepted that I’m just not as important to them as they are to me, because I’m the one putting in the effort.

5 0Rating: +5

Cuppa Tea

Feb 29, 2024 at 9:24pm

Maybe they've got that anxious tea or are a public transit germaphobe Or you know, just a terrible person.

3 0Rating: +3

Gepetto

Feb 29, 2024 at 10:28pm

Prioritizing self-care, or prioritizing selfishness?

5 0Rating: +5

Solution

Mar 1, 2024 at 6:39pm

It's not that tough. Meet somewhere in the middle. Take turns choosing a location that is somewhere in the middle to mix it up. If both parties are sincere about getting together it works.

4 0Rating: +4

SIV

Mar 3, 2024 at 6:18am

Well, you should prioritize yourself as well. Don’t reach out and see what happens. I bet they do one of two things. completely fall out of your life, or freak out at you for drawing boundaries.

3 2Rating: +1

@solution

Mar 4, 2024 at 9:43pm

I think you missed the point that the Op said they had suggested that but it didn’t work. Realistically I think that if you’re important enough to someone they will be willing to make an effort to see you. If they don’t, then that’s all you need to know.

1 2Rating: -1

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