Making friends is difficult.

I've tried. I've tried joining things, volunteering, being out and about on hikes and in cafes. I smile, I make eye contact. I try to come across as open but not needy or clingy. Perish the thought that anyone ever have any needs. There's an incredible unspoken stigma against people who struggle with loneliness or who don't have many friends. I'm trying to persevere and be optimistic. It's just difficult.

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It's not you

Feb 13, 2024 at 9:12am

You're a normal person who wants to connect to other human beings. This. Is. Normal. What isn't normal is this backwards-ass town. Go to any other city and people will be friendlier and more open. I wasted my youth here figuring that out. Don't make the same mistake. Go. Run like hell and never look back.

14 1Rating: +13

Welp OP

Feb 13, 2024 at 10:18am

Many people are just struggling to make ends meet and keep a roof over their heads. Others have kids and are in the same boat, but worse.
Throw in other worries, sick parents, etc and it's just plain hard here.

6 4Rating: +2

Anonymous

Feb 13, 2024 at 2:06pm

After a few years of significant health issues I have no relationship, no friends, my life is too bleak to broadcast. But yes "people having needs" equates to "needy" and people run so fast, the horror of having a community of imperfect people. What a sick joke our society is, please care about one another.

12 0Rating: +12

make change

Feb 13, 2024 at 2:34pm

you included volunteering. the amount of times I hear people say they want to volunteer with addictions and crises like that is nearly 100%, yet that's a tough industry regardless. Big brother and big sister Vancouver are literally in need. YMCA/YWCA. There's a bazillion animal non profits from bunnies to fish to cats to racoons to birds to anything else. Volunteer with the sun run or dragon boats, festivals, sports, etc. If you can't find something volunteer where you make friends it is you.

3 11Rating: -8

Feels!

Feb 13, 2024 at 4:47pm

I know exactly what you mean. Some people seem to make friends so easily, but some of us find it really hard. I’m one of those. I’m fairly introverted but I still want friends. I do all of the things you talk about too, but it’s really difficult here in the city. I wonder if it’s easier in smaller towns where you see the same people around all the time? So that eventually they’ll feel less like strangers?

8 0Rating: +8

Anonymous

Feb 13, 2024 at 5:50pm

Over a certain age people tend to stop making friends.

Maybe you are waiting, like a snake, to strike people with these needs of yours. I have met this kind. In fact they usually expose themselves fairly quickly.

I wish you all the best. You are probably a decent human being.

3 11Rating: -8

It is tough

Feb 14, 2024 at 9:32pm

Having been here a long time, making friends tends to happen with being at regularly scheduled events ie a running or book club meeting every week. People need repeat exposure to feel a bond with you.

That being said, generally there’s not much real heart here, where people who you think are your friends REALLY TRULY care about you. This town is rife with jealousy and hierarchies and resentments. Both in the female and male forms.

I “surface level” know people. And that’s the extent of it. The other side is ultra selfish, needy people who DEMAND your attention and ask for things.

Honestly I am happier doing my own thing. Friendship is transactional in Vancouver. “I’ll hang out with you, so long as you’re not living better than me.” Or “What is in it for me?” mind set.

4 1Rating: +3

@Feels

Feb 15, 2024 at 8:57am

It's worse in small towns. People have their own cliques and groups, mostly the same people they've known since grade school- and good luck breaking into that.

4 1Rating: +3

@@Feels

Feb 15, 2024 at 11:56pm

Yeah, my parents moved to Nanaimo, and I go over now and then. It's like grade school for adults, very cliquey and tawdry. It's not worth the time and energy, it's so sad.

4 0Rating: +4

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