No more one way street

So I gently – gently because even returning a wrong-size blouse makes my friend cry – asked my best friend of 15 years if there is some reason that I am not welcome at my friend's hobby group. I explained that we both love this hobby and it would be funfor me to meet others with the same interest. The friend immediately said that I am welcome to come and the friend's eyes got that wet, red look of stress. I said, “Great! When is the next get-together?” The friend was “not too sure” but would “let me know”. Having heard this a million times before, I gently said, “I've asked a lot in the past and if there's some reason I shouldn't be there, you can tell me. We're friends.” The friend said of course not with that flushed tearful look in the eyes. When the friend was in the bathroom, I rummaged through the friend's hobby kit and found a name of someone in the group. Next day I looked that person up on facebook and sent a message introducing myself. I didn't mention my bestie, just said that I saw some of her craftwork online and liked it. We're meeting for coffee to share hobby photos tomorrow. I can't wait! I'm so glad to meet someone new who shares my interest in crafts. Best day ever! Now I can join the group without putting any pressure on my best friend who tends to over-react too small things.

8 Comments

Post a Comment

That’s great

Feb 1, 2024 at 12:53pm

but it still sounds like your friend is maybe not a very good friend. If they knew you wanted this introduction so badly and dangled it but never invited you, that’s not very nice. Kudos to you for taking action but I’d seriously re-examine this friendship moving forward, it just sounds weird.

5 2Rating: +3

Are

Feb 1, 2024 at 3:22pm

We suppose to understand that… I’ll try it one more time

2 0Rating: +2

Uh-oh

Feb 2, 2024 at 9:24am

'“I've asked a lot in the past and if there's some reason I shouldn't be there, you can tell me. We're friends.” The friend said of course not with that flushed tearful look in the eyes. '

Um, it may be that she had a reason for not including you and was too afraid to tell you.

1 0Rating: +1

Yikes…

Feb 2, 2024 at 4:39pm

I’ve been following this and was wondering what happened! I’m glad you actually asked… rummaging through their bag though and grabbing contact info? Yikes. When thinking about boundaries, your friend said they would let you know, and then you violated their personal space… maybe reflect on that a little. Also maybe why you felt so entitled to that information? There must be more than one group doing that similar hobby in all of Vancouver, why do you have to go with them? Am I missing something? This really put a bad taste in my mouth

10 0Rating: +10

Anonymous

Feb 3, 2024 at 6:13am

You’ve just ruined it for her. There’s a reason she doesn’t want you there

6 0Rating: +6

Playbook

Feb 3, 2024 at 11:28am

I don't like the way you're describing your "bestie" as oversensitive and irrational while painting yourself as the good guy.

I am also disturbed to hear how invading their privacy resulted in "the best day ever" for you and called for a celebratory follow-up post.

I'd like to hear their side of the story.

Also, understand that this is likely going to end the friendship. You'll do what you projected onto your friend in your previous post, taking over as the shining star while (subtly and with *sympathy*) smearing their name to the rest of the group members.

But what do you care? You sound pretty done with this person anyway.

5 1Rating: +4

Hmmm

Feb 3, 2024 at 1:07pm

Why not start your own group? If it’s not happening with your friend that’s okay. They have no obligation to invite you if they don’t want to. Rummaging through their personal belongings behind their back is crossing a boundary on your part.

8 0Rating: +8

It will be just fine.

Feb 5, 2024 at 1:11pm

So I met the new hobby-friend for coffee and we totally hit it off. After sharing photos and conversation she invited me - UNPROMPTED - to join her hobby club. I accepted and will be attending this weekend with some of my crafts to share. I hung out with my bestie yesterday and told her excitedly that I met a new person on facebook by chance. I said I was looking at friends of friends and mutual friends and happened upon a local person with craft photos all over the place. My bestie was thrilled for me and asked her name. When I told her, her face contorted and she burst into tears. I consoled her and asked what was wrong but she just got up from the table and fled. She phone me later last night to apologize for leaving like that. I asked again what's wrong and she said that this new hobby-friend is a horrible monster and I should not come to the meeting. My bestie said that this new person is a tyrant and a bully and will make my life a living hell. I thought she was pretty nice and we just chatted like normal acquaintances. I calmed my bestie down but she really hates the new person. I'm confused why she hates her so much. Now I know for sure that I did the right thing by joining the group because I have the powerful charisma to try to get everyone to be kind to each other. I can build bridges and help people heal.

1 8Rating: -7

Join the Discussion

What's your name?