Decentish Human

The longer I live with myself, the more I realize just how hard it is trying to erase -largely self-inflicted- past hurt. You can visit shrinks and read psychology books till the cows come home, but certain pain prangs seem to linger for forever and a day. The hardest of these is learning how to let go of people you loved deeply but either whose affection wasn't reciprocal or it was, but they simply belonged elsewhere at that point in time. Oh, and realizing that you hurt them when you didn't mean to at all, as a result. Saying sorry never cuts it; moreover you can't rewind life like you can a video tape (I is old). Learning how to be a decentish human seems to be a lifetime endeavour of trial and error. It doesn't require money, owning fancy things, or even a primary school education either. You can have twelve degrees, live in the British Properties, and still be a royal hemroid. The only thing that seems to soothe the bitterness of facing our inner rattlesnake at times is wishing those we hurt well, and hope/pray that they're living good lives, if they still happen to be alive. Forgiving others seems to start with forgiving yourself, if you're willing to acknowledge that you ain't no saint that is, and that love should be selfless. I still got a looong way to go.

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Much thanx 'Decentish Humanish'

Mar 7, 2024 at 8:07pm

What u say is the core truth of all the legit valid faith and secular patterns

5 1Rating: +4

Ugh

Mar 8, 2024 at 2:31am

Track them down call them. Talk. They still want to hear from you

If it helps…

Mar 8, 2024 at 4:12pm

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with relationships breaking down and people retreating to their separate corners. They learned something, you learned something, and now a more contemplative phase of revision and refinement can begin.

I think it’s natural human course to start with many and varied relationships, go into a period of isolation, and then find new and select connections, especially those on a seeker/healing/spiritual path.

Personally I don’t think love is about selfishness or selflessness. To me it’s about understanding what we deserve, what we’ve evolved out of, and what germinates naturally from the compost created from the healing process.

4 1Rating: +3

Sometimes they still won’t get it

Mar 8, 2024 at 7:46pm

I know people in their late 60’s or older who probably won’t ever learn this. They’re the pathologically un-self-aware people who go through their entire lives creating havoc causing pain, and blaming everyone but themselves for it. The people like us who acknowledge that we’ve caused hurt even when we didn’t intend to, aren’t the ones who need to do the most amends. We’re just normal humans. It’s those other ones who not only tend to do the most damage, but who will also never acknowledge that, that really need it. But they never will, and it’s accepting that part that is one of the most difficult things to do.

2 2Rating: 0

Rewind life like a videotape

Mar 9, 2024 at 6:56pm

Yes. I believe that's possible. Dangerous but possible.

7 0Rating: +7

B Diddy

Mar 9, 2024 at 8:29pm

So basically sometimes making an apology can be about clearing your own conscience, rather than expecting forgiveness. That doesn't sound like a bad thing.

5 0Rating: +5

Anonymous

Mar 11, 2024 at 7:21am

Truth is, our past will tend to pop up and haunt us from time to time or, in the case of the bitter on a constant basis.

The best cure is to treat people you meet in real life better. The better you are toward strangers, the better life tends to be.

There's probably some kind of universal truth behind this, but alas am not intelligent enough to know this.

2 1Rating: +1

I didn’t write that

Mar 11, 2024 at 9:47pm

But I did welcome you to middle age. ;)

7 0Rating: +7

I iz always nice to strangers

Mar 11, 2024 at 9:59pm

(unless they iz unfriendly or worse) and
not just because it’s an expectation of Great White North citizenship, but becuz the ol’ gol den rule seems best and feels best.
Doesn’t matter if you iz always nice though cuz there will still be people who won’t like you. They will assume your niceness is fake.
Iz a risk yes but most times people will be nice back

7 0Rating: +7

Again, I did not write this

Mar 11, 2024 at 10:01pm

But I got your apology right here.
Just come and get it.
(said seriously, not sarcastically)

6 0Rating: +6

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