Why are we friends

I’ve spent less and less time with my friend. The last 4 years, she moves out of Vancouver for 4-12 months at a time living elsewhere. There’s no contact when she’s out of town and I get on with my life and get closer to other friends. Then a week before she comes back, she texts me “Hey I’m coming back!” But we have no glue and I’m not in any rush to see her. She’ll be here for a bit, and then it’s the same thing from her: “Leaving soon, we should catch up before I go!” She knows so little of my day to day. And if I text her, she’ll return a text 3WEEKS later. What does one do with a person like this?

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to be young

Apr 8, 2024 at 9:43am

I remember when months and weeks seemed like long periods of time in friendships. wait till your 30's you're in for fun ride.

10 3Rating: +7

Here’s a radical thought

Apr 8, 2024 at 11:22am

Why don’t you just speak to her and tell her directly how you feel?

Or do you think she will see your confession and know that it’s you talking about her

7 4Rating: +3

@OP

Apr 8, 2024 at 2:12pm

Stop replying to her.

I REALLY hate when when people go"oh I was too busy to text you"
Fk off it takes 30 seconds of their day

13 4Rating: +9

Anonymous

Apr 8, 2024 at 4:23pm

Let them go.

12 5Rating: +7

Ceaser

Apr 8, 2024 at 11:42pm

I did.
Just an IDEa

4 6Rating: -2

Decisions

Apr 11, 2024 at 3:34am

You can decide to appreciate her during the time you have with her and let it be what it is, or you can accept that this isn’t enough for you to maintain the connection and end it. I have a similar friend and there’s been times when I’ve felt very frustrated by her not being there for me at difficult times in my life. But during the time we do spend together she’s wonderful, so I decided to just appreciate that and not expect anything more. She is who she is, just as I am. It can be hard though, because maintaining a friendship does require effort on both sides. In my case we’ve been friends for close to 40 years, so as far as I’m concerned we’ll be friends forever, even if I don’t see her as much as I’d like to.

9 3Rating: +6

OP

Apr 13, 2024 at 8:34pm

Sage advice from one commenter to just accept and enjoy the friendship for what it is: very fractional friendship. I will try this.

Another commenter says to "talk to your friend about it". Well that's a pretty weird conversation to have. "Friend, why are we friends? What is the point of our friendship?" If moving around the world all year doesn't kill friendships, I'm pretty sure having that awkward conversation will.

3 4Rating: -1

Not that hard

Apr 22, 2024 at 2:09pm

if you enjoy the time you do spend with her, then make an effort to see her when she's in town. But if you have nothing in common and spending time is a chore, then the friendship is over.

3 3Rating: 0

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