I just can’t

I have this friend who was never religious and believed in freedom of choice for women. Over the past several years she’s changed because her son and daughter in law apparently became evangelicals and when their daughter got pregnant really young she had to get married, and now she’s got 3 kids and she’s not even 21. I can’t pretend to be happy for them, I just can’t. This kid doesn’t even have a fully grown frontal cortex yet so she has no idea of the impact on her this will have. I can’t celebrate babies raising babies. Of course the kids are cute and yes people can choose what they want to believe, but this kid has been completely indoctrinated so in reality this couldn’t have been an informed decision.


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We humans can be so short sighted

May 15, 2024 at 9:35am

focusing mostly on people and events in our inner orbits. I love what Howard Thurman said: "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." ps: if you don't know of Howard Thurman (1899 - 1981), suggest you net-search his incredible historical mentoring of people like Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi.

6 5Rating: +1

More "woke" or you will go broke. It costs $$ to have kids

May 15, 2024 at 4:47pm

Kids having kids, does that still happen in the 21st century? I'm often told how "woke" a young person's education is, by certain people, and that they should be learning the basics, like reading writing and arithmetic, but from what I observe, young people are just as dumb as they were 40 years ago. Some make mistakes they will have to deal with for the rest of their lives. Maybe their educations aren't "woke" enough?

11 6Rating: +5

Most of the people on Planet Earth

May 15, 2024 at 6:19pm

are increasingly suffering brain cortex disconnects so rather than play the blame game, how about we all first look inside our own brain cortex disconnects and prioritize our own healing. Then lets do our best to help others. I remember a very nice an old neighbour of ours used to say: "my philosophy is to always try my best to leave things in better shape than how I found them."

9 5Rating: +4

Let it be

May 15, 2024 at 6:25pm

But at the same time women in most of recorded history started having children before age 20. Not ideal in today's world but I don't think shaming them is fair. In fact, it is you that is essentially taking a 'holier than thou' position.

7 6Rating: +1

She's 21

May 15, 2024 at 10:02pm

Even dogs don't choose to abandon their puppies and she's a 21 year old adult who obviously loves her kids. Just because you would have terminated your own children or tossed the responsibility on to someone else to raise them doesn't mean she did wrong by giving them the chance at life that many of us were given by our mothers who started early. It's not for you to decide if our lives were a mistake or if her children's lives are a mistake. It honestly sound like you have a god complex. That's a bit concerning.

13 9Rating: +4


May 16, 2024 at 9:29pm

I said she’s not even 21. In fact she’s not even 20. God complex just because I refuse to pretend that this is okay? I’m not judging this child, I’m judging the adults around her who’ve encouraged her to think this is her role in life, to just pop out baby after baby. I don’t care what women used to do. It’s 2024 ffs. It’s these backwards thinking religious types dead set on setting women back 100 years. Whose fantasy is she fulfilling, really? She’s not old enough and hasn’t had time to experience anything resembling freedom since she’s been having babies and serving a boy (oh did I forget to mention that her “husband” is a child too?) for years already. She has no idea of what she’s even missing because these adults have led her to where she is right now. I don’t care how pretty the picture you paint is, it’s rotten through and through.

8 12Rating: -4

@ @She's

May 17, 2024 at 8:32am

So you think that she is beneath you because she didn't waste her 20's sleeping around? Then struggled in her 30's to find a husband?
The simple fact is the longer a woman puts off having kids, the higher the chance there is of having birth defects,losing the baby, etc.

Plus by the time she's in her late 30's the kids will be out of the house and they can go travelling, etc. Whereas you- if you're very lucky to find a guy in his 30's who wants to have kids- will be changing diapers and risking birth defects.

Suggest that you make your choice,and don't worry about what other people are doing.

4 3Rating: +1


May 17, 2024 at 5:59pm

Would you feel the same and take the time to complain on here if they were Sikh, Hindu, muslim, or Buddhists?
Or is this just a back handed way to criticize Christians?

2 1Rating: +1


May 18, 2024 at 2:46pm

It sounds to me like you have a problem with people exercising agency outside of the set of norms to which you would hear. You also seem to believe that there's some sort of set of norms to which everyone must adhere to live the good life. You have a feminist narrative that makes it seem like no women enjoyed having children early in life and then watching them grow up and having a ton of grandkids because if you start early you could have seven kids and imagine if each of them had two kids, you'd have 14 grandkids. You'd have seven husbands of your children and wives of your husband to help you out if you had a hard time. I really don't think you're considering the problem from any quantitative economic point of view we are considering it from the point of view of a very narrow and media constructed definition of feminism which many people are now realizing he's actually a bill of goods. I mean if people want to follow their televisions and women's live magazines that's fine, but it's not the only way to live and our species evolved for millions of years without women's live magazines to tell women how their best lives involve delaying reproduction until many of their teeth have cavities

4 2Rating: +2

@ @she's / OP

May 19, 2024 at 10:24am

It seems more rotten for you than the people involved. It's her story. Yes, the messed up religious pressure was unfortunate, but there it is. You aren't obliged to celebrate or pretend. She'll benefit more from your kindness under the circumstances. It's OK to be supportive in a practical way to friends who have made decisions we disagree with, even if it was a choice made under pressure. Teens can be easily influenced by one thing or another and end up on some path.
No worries, I'd lay money that she breaks out and finds herself later on, when the kids are older and she's freed up while time is still on her side. And she'll be free and not dealing with teenagers during what can be the best, most defining time of life between the mid 30s and late 50s or so.

4 1Rating: +3

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