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Maybe I'm dumb

I have a really difficult time opening those plastic bags in the produce section at my local grocery store

Pulled two ways

Thinking about someone. I can't tell you why it didn't work out, what I could have done differently or how I managed to screw it all up so badly. I've been reflecting for 12 years without answers. I want nothing more than to see them. I picture them all the time. Like ALL the time. It's a giant tattoo on my mind. But at the same time, I'm scared to see them again. If I ever did come across them I would flee. I would literally flee. I picture myself dangling from a window ledge like Jason Bourne so I'm not spotted. I think I know I'm not strong enough to face them again so I'd rather run.

I don't know where I belong

No family, no close friends. Have been priced out of renting in my beloved neighborhood. Where do I go? Different town, different province?

Trapped.

Trapped by crippling depression, insecurities, poverty, obesity. I'm never escaping this suburban concrete hell.

Don’t understand

I admit my friends confound me. My friend disappeared for 3-4 years; I texted him happy birthday, Christmas, New Years messages. Nothing. Out of the blue he msg’d me. I can’t say I’m elated to hear from him. Another friend ditched me for half a year after I lost my job. Then msg’d me. I feel like these friends are only coming back because they want something. I’ve moved on because I’ve learned to live without them in my hardest times. I know ppl here will fire back at me “You’re lucky, I have no one” kind of thing. But that’s exactly it. These ppl made me feel very alone and now they present themselves before me. So much has happened and our friendship has deflated so much and I don’t feel excitement to pump it back up again.

Fake

I can't stand it when people make videos online and when something funny happens with a friend, pet, etc. they laugh while making eye contact into the camera rather than laughing with the person/in the moment. It makes it seem so freakin fake and impersonal. Like can't we just enjoy one simple thing like laughter in the moment rather than doing everything for the camera? It actually drives me nuts

I took a

short flight to Seattle the other day, my first flight in almost three years. I used to fly all the time and travel extensively, but this time I nearly had a panic attack just being in the airport. Scared of everyone, scared to touch anything, totally OCD about germs. No one talking or smiling. Really bad vibes, but at least I ventured out! I’m hoping we can get back to normal at some point

Good source of potassium

I'm not a big fan of Freud, but I do enjoy watching strangers eating bananas. You can learn a lot about someone who's snacking down on one, especially if they think nobody is watching. Even better if they're really hungry. Or angry.

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