Confessions

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2 years sober

Coincidentally haven't bothered my ex in the same amount of time. My family says I am ruining Christmas because I choose to keep it small for my mental health. Each day more aggressive guilt trips that it's my choice. I stayed by myself the last few weeks out of dedication to them, they're bubble jumping even today. Sobriety isn't easy. It doesn't solve any of life problems. Right and wrong decisions don't get easier. Nothing gets easier. You just get older. Farther away from messing up. Torn down by family. Backed against a wall. But then you realize the wall isn't real. It's in your head. Don't let them drag you down. Shower them with grace and be the beacon of light. Stay sober. Stay safe. Be self compassionate. Merry Christmas Confessioners.

I used to

complain that Canada was sooo boring and stale. After recent world events: thank you Canada for being so boring! Never change!

Isolated

I walked past a care home the other day and saw an elderly man sitting in the window. I can't imagine how hard it would be living out your days in a facility like that pre covid but now with a 'no visitors' rule, it would be terribly lonely. I waved at him and he waved back. I hope that made his day. It sure made mine.

Spirit revived in another part of town

Drove across town to make a donation at the Union Gospel Mission. I admit I was a little scared because I’m not that tall and went alone and my adrenaline was pumping. It turned out that the 30 minutes that I was in the Downtown Eastside, more people —complete strangers—offered kindness, Happy New Years wishes, friendly wishes and thoughts than I ever hear in a year in my own “wealthy” Curmudgeonly neighborhood. Thank you, you gentle souls, your friendly spirit was like water in my oasis of isolation and silence in my area. I won’t forget this day, possibly the kindest one all year, and will be coming back to donate again soon. You all showed me something priceless today. Happy New Year and let’s emanate love to each other.

Cleanup time

I was in the wrong crowd and nearly lost myself. I got mixed up with a lot of stupid people who were all about alcohol, drugs and partying. My life headed into a downward spiral. I’m way too old for the party lifestyle so I simply gave it up. Partying is something you do when you’re in high school and there comes a time when you need to grow up and get your head straight. My head has become a lot more clear since I’ve been clean and sober. I can’t stress enough just how awesome it feels to finally get rid of all the useless garbage that could have ruined my life. I lost a lot of weight, got back into my fitness and have been eating healthier foods. Alcohol and drugs have nothing to offer. Life is too short to be surrounded by leeching scumbags or fill your body with poison. Don’t follow the herd of sheep to the edge of a cliff. You are who you hangout with.

I’m not in a “mood”

I confess that the next time I’m accused of being in a bad mood just because I’m not willing to tolerate his bs, I may just lose it. The fact that I’ve managed to hold it together so many other times as he picks, pokes, criticizes in oh-so-subtle (or so he thinks) ways, and just generally tries to control our entire relationship, is simply a testimony to my incredible self-control and patience, SO FAR. So no, I’m not in a mood. I didn’t wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I’m not hormonal. I’m just fed up with your ignorant attitude. This type of overt sexism is just a complete deal breaker.

Angry

My husband just told me that the day we went to the hospital thinking we'd lost our baby two years ago, he was emailing his ex as I was in the emergency room alone being told there was no heart beat. Why on earth he decided to tell me this now I have no idea. Thankfully we're going our separate ways. If his goal was to hurt me, it worked. I'm angry but all that matters is our baby girl survived and she's my world. Trying to get it out of my head though and it's tough. I'm angry.

Man oh man

When people tell me so many horror stories of dealing with crazy relatives at Christmas, I realize now how lucky I am to have my peace and quiet. No drama, no negative energy or bullshit of any kind. Embrace the holiday solitude.

Runners not getting it, or getting it!

For the last many months, I've been walking the seawall around Stanley Park. I've noticed people with dogs, strollers and masks taking care of each other. NOT the runners. They approach from behind or even more disgustingly, right at you, some spitting, most panting and breathing heavily. I've taken to extending my umbrella or a vitamin water out with my left arm, to remind them, they are selfish and in my space. I'm actually enjoying their reactions as they realize what they have done as they run right into it.

Glad it’s almost over

Everything about this holiday season is so awkward and loaded. So glad it’s almost over. My sister wants to open presents outdoors for some semblance of normality and I just don’t care about “stuff”. I honestly just want to go into a hole because all the gymnastics to keep everyone somewhat happy is exhausting. My mom complains my brother won’t have turkey to eat... honestly I just don’t fucking care. Go to Subway and get a turkey sandwich and leave me alone. And then my sister want to go look at holidays lights.... where is my hole to crawl into?

I SAW YOU

Whole Foods North Van

Ran into you a few times in a few different aisles tonight ... wish my cashier was a little...

SAVAGE LOVE

Savage Love: Spelling of cum remains a seriously sticky issue

It's in the Scrabble dictionary but that doesn't mean that this word is universally accepted.