Confessions

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Self love can be confused with narassiam but why can’t you love yourself when you have no one else who wants too

I look at myself in the mirror, I see what I hold. I see my blue eyes, full of kindness and strength. I see my lips natural soft, just like the words they produce. I see my body, how it carries me through out my life. I look at myself every morning and I know I am beautiful. I know I have a beauty many others don’t have within them and outside of them. I’m a kind good person, I love too much and I think too much. I feel peoples feelings without them needing to speak of them. I see myself at night. Standing in the mirror thinking why. Why can’t someone love me? I love everything about me and I know am beautiful. I see the way men stare at me, how strangers approach me and tell me what they need to say cause I have that soul. I have the soul of holding broken hearts and making them feel whole, even if it’s for a brief second. So why can’t someone love me the way I love others, the world, myself. I just want to be whole heartedly loved.

To the point

Some coworkers have no respect and the ones that try to bother you outside of work really need to get a life. I work with someone at various sites and he’s not the most pleasant person to deal with. Very intrusive, ignorant, disrespectful, and aggressive. All he ever does is gossip and give people input on how they should live their lives when he should look after his own life. He kept texting me useless links to some weird sites and I had to squash it. I put my foot down by telling him not to contact me anymore unless if he actually needs coverage for a shift. Don’t bother your colleagues outside of work unless you have something important to say that’s actually work related. In other words, stop wasting my time and yours. Simple as that. Hopefully, he’ll smarten up and get the message. If not, I'm calling the Union.

Sick Again

Due in large part to exposure to secondhand cigarette smoke. I don't smoke, but there are some stupid, morally unevolved humans that do: my neighbour living in the next suite of our non-smoking apartment; a few of the regular passengers on my bus commute that inconsiderately empty their smoke-filled lungs inside the transit vehicle; and, a few of the contractors that come into my workplace, that do the same thing. Lung cancer is a bad way to go, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but sometimes I feel like they should suffer, like I'm suffering right now.

Tell me what you want

I confess that I don’t have time for veiled hints or subtle gestures designed to keep me guessing about true intentions. That’s a disaster waiting to happen. If you want me in your life say so. If you’re too afraid of rejection to risk it then you’re not my kind of man.

Cruel

To pretend to love someone to spare there feelings only makes it worse. Be honest about how you feel. Don't lie,pretend ,or sleep with them. Because in the end you only destroy them completely. And that is cruel. It's confusing and it's honestly f**king evil.

Test of patience

Did you ever encounter someone who was so thoroughly obnoxious in their routine behaviour that it defied credulity? I have such a person as my neighbour. Everything they do is obnoxious. They can’t go out of or into a door without slamming it. They are totally inconsiderate of others in the building by monopolizing the laundry room, holding loud drunken smoke-filled conversations right outside the windows of other residents, leaving their garbage in the hallways, etc. Every time I think they’ve reached a peak of rudeness, they top it with something else. The last thing I want is to have to complain to the property manager because that rarely ends well. I just live in hope now that they will move out before I’m driven to enact some kind of revenge. I’m a peaceful person and a considerate neighbour and I just want to live in peace. What is wrong with people like this? .

Always fresh? Not particularly

So I hear Tim Horton’s now has a retro collection with their old school logo marked on merchandise. If Timmy’s wanted to impress me, then all they have to do is bring back good stuff that they had in back in the day like the garden vegetable sandwich, The blueberry bran muffin, and chilli in a bread bowl. I stopped going there a long time ago ever since the Company was bought by an American corporation.

Too late

If I had been born a few decades earlier I would probably have learned much sooner in my life about the long term effects of childhood neglect and trauma. How being left alone to deal with fear, loneliness, and grief teaches a child that they have to be strong no matter what. So now that I’m nearing the end of my life in isolation, I understand that it didn’t have to be so lonely and difficult. If I’d known how to ask for help when I needed it, in a direct way, not with subtle hints that were dropped in the hopes that someone would understand and help me, I might have chosen partners who weren’t emotionally unavailable. Now I know that creating a suit of emotional armour might help in times of trauma to get you through it, but if you don’t learn how and when to take it off it becomes too effective at keeping other people from getting close enough to help you. I don’t even have the words anymore to express my pain to another soul, because it’s so overwhelming and I’m afraid I’d drown them. I long to be vulnerable but I’m terrified at the prospect because I feel like I’d start crying and never stop. My advice to young people is to do the work to unpack all that baggage before it’s too late. The information is all over the internet, so get going.

Bald is beautiful

I’m almost 40. Had a look at myself in the mirror and noticed my hair is thinning. I’m beginning to think it’s falling out. Nope, I’d rather not buy Rogaine. It’s too expensive and has these weird side effects. Hopefully, it falls out sooner than later so that way I could have a nice George Costanza look.

First Lesson of Getting Educated

Don't get scammed by extremely high tuition prices. Learn something that has value and can used as a trade to make an income. Understand that in the working world, people will use you. In the academia world, university employees will use you as well-- for an income.

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