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Laundry time

So the laundromat has been closed for almost 2 months, and I am reduced to washing underwear and socks in the sink. I keep thinking about my ancestors and how shitty it must have been for them doing laundry by hand all the time, before washing machines were invented. Things to be thankful for!

I have no problem

with the social distancing myself. Just a little bit of common sense and courtesy right? What I'm really struggling with is avoiding the thoughtless morons who walk right at me on a large sidewalk. Seriously, I'm gonna lose it soon.

I think texting is an awesome way

to communicate, now more than ever before. But when someone consistently waits several hours or even a day to reply I'm done texting with that person.

OMG what a hellish country

we have south of the border. COVID-19 has been completely mismanaged, it's open season on killing unarmed black people and the president is advocating the use of violence on Twitter. It's all hard to digest some days, I'm just so grateful to live in Canada, and especially BC where we have compassionate leadership.

Online dating apps = consent to approach interested women

I've heard from some women that they "miss the days when men would actually ask them out", but the problem with those days was that men didn't have online options so they were forced to initiate and pursue without consent: randomly gamble on the slim chance a woman is single, interested, approachable, in the right mood or circumstance to chat with a stranger (in other words: the odds of approaching a woman at the appropriate time are rare). This "old way" of dating would mean women would receive more unwanted attention, unwanted approaches, unwanted flirting and the men who asked them out either made fools of themselves or risked self-esteem wrecking rejection; on the slim chance gamble some woman at a bar, beach or college campus would be interested in them. Online dating however has created a "safe space" where I as a man know that women who match with me or message me are open and consenting to be approached and engaged. It may seem counterintuitive versus the old days, but I think the odds of meeting attractive women have actually INCREASED as a result of dating apps. An increase in available and consenting dating partners and an increase in sexual partners over the years has resulted from this (for me personally). Yes the problem with online apps is that women are harassed without accountability (dick pics, mean messages, abusive and angry messages etc.) on occasion so I realize that as well. Nonetheless I think my overall point is valid: I feel much more comfortable "approaching" women on dating apps and much more comfortable asking them out given the implied consent of these apps. Obviously this is just one element of a complex modern dating landscape full of pros and cons but I think it is important to recognize this shift in the culture of dating. When I see guys hitting on women in public, on the bus etc. I often cringe, especially when the women are very attractive, knowing how often that must occur... leave them alone guys! If they wanted to speak to a random man I'd probably let them initiate. Men who have learned nothing from #metoo and #timesup are more likely to ignore recent social lessons and approach women without consent or intuitive common sense to pick their spots and circumstances. Beware of these men.

Alone

I'm fairly socially isolated at the best of times - live alone, chronically ill and on disability. It's been much worse since March when things shut down. I'm really struggling. I don't have a lot of people to reach out to, and when I try to, I don't get much response. Please, if you know people who are in similar circumstances, check in on them once in a while.

Secretly so resentful

Yesterday was mother’s day and I know that I am not the only person with toxic parents. But yesterday was rough. Growing up my mother and her partner were extremely abusive to several children in the house hold (emotionally and physically). Like really bad. When I was 12, I had them both charged with assault, my mother lost her career, and I eventually went into foster care. My mother is poor, could not financially support my post-secondary education in any sort of capacity, and is essentially just a hot mess who struggles with a ton of mental health. I’m in my 30s now, and I’m still so resentful because I actually feel like she’s one of those people who had kids, was a total shit parent, and shouldn’t have had kids. But she’s getting old and sick now, so I called her yesterday because the guilt kicked in. I kept it short, didn’t say much and got off the phone after about 20-25 minutes. I know I should go to therapy, but I know it’s going to be years and years and thousands of dollars to unpack everything. Therapy that is going to come out of my own pocket. So happy mother’s day Mom, thanks for all the trauma.

Just another Average Joe's COVID report

I'm lucky in a lot of ways. Even though on CERB I'm making less than 1/3 of my usual income, I'm managing to scrape by so far. Others aren't so lucky. My heart bleeds for you, and I'm looking for ways I can help the community at large in the meantime. By the end of summer I'm fucked because my savings will be gone, but for now: The gains: I now know who my true friends are. People who reached out to me and to whom I reached out. I've deepened friendships with those I care for, and rid myself of people who require more than they give. I hope in these times that "soul-sucking" people have been given the opportunity to realize that you need to meet people at least halfway. In these times of universal suffering, no one corners the market on "woe is me" worldviews. We're literally all in this together in everything we have lost so far. I've seen so much less of the usual Pain Olympics that attention-seekers usually engage in on social media. I hope we all continue to equalize, and give all we can to others without seizing attention for ourselves. The losses: fuck, I miss dating. I miss hugs. I miss brainless flirting in bars. I miss concerts. And I am still missing sitting in restaurants and bars even though a lot of them are open. But I'm committed to forgoing my own needs and desires for others in the interim. This is far from over, and I'll continue to forgo a lot of my own previously meaningful interactions in order to keep strangers safe until we have concrete answers. Conclusion: we are so lucky to live in a country that has taken care of much of it's citizens in such financial and educational ways. I'm tucking my belt and forgoing my normalcy for *you,* nameless neighbours. I love you all!

arcahic

As someone who worked in restaurants (7+ years), I think we need to get rid of tipping altogether. I'm happy to pay more for something than to have the weight of someone's livelihood placed on my shoulders. Servers/baristas/bartenders tend to get mad at customers for not tipping but they never point to their employer for not paying them a livable wage. Tipping culture is also very discriminatory. I worked in a popular restaurant in Gastown and I remember many times when my colleagues would make offhand remarks towards certain ethnicities for not tipping. Many customers would not get the same kind of attention as a group of white people dining. There was also a time when a man placed 20$ (in 5 dollar bills) on the table and told me that he will take away a note each time I didn't meet his standard of service. I just smiled and bit my tongue....because the customer is always right and almighty. Cringe. Also, not to mention the unfortunate kitchen staff who work their asses off. Long hours, very little money, and little/no tips. The "finer" the establishment is, the more screwed the kitchen staff is. The cooks are there to get "experience" and are barely paid.

Working from home

I am one of the lucky ones, no loss of income, working in a well paying recession proof job. But because of COVID-19, the employer requires all staff to work from home, five days a week, with no end in sight. With such a tenuous connection to the work environment, and strained relationships with some friends and family over COVID-19, and the lack of control in my life (our lives are now dictated by an appointed health care official) I have little motivation to work. She says, go outside. I can barely motivate myself to even get exercise outside. So honestly, most days I just log in to work each day and go right back to bed.

I SAW YOU

Regents park

You had came up to me speaking about my sunglasses and I’ve turned you down saying I am not in...

SAVAGE LOVE

Savage Love: Intimacy and hot sex don’t always jibe

Here goes: I’m a 32-year-old gay male and I have trouble staying out of my head during sex. I feel like there may be many issues.