Confessions

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I've been thinking

I think we are alone in this universe. Now hear me out . But I do think however that there are multiple universes but each in their own dimensions. One dimension with one planet with life on it in each. So multiple dimensions each with only one planet with life on it. Why you ask do I think that ? Because look at the fact on this planet how different countries are always fighting about shit constantly. Can't seem to get along and always trying to take over each other countries. Can you imagine two planets in the same universe shit they would be battling it out who's got the better planet or trying to take over the other person's planet. So that's why I think one planet in each dimension. Now that not to say that a higher evolved planet could not figure out how to transport to other dimensions, cause that is a possiblity but remember they are higher evolved so maybe they are past the killing and taking over garbage. Smarter is what I'm basically trying to say. Like we should be on this planet but we're not yet ! But I do have hope :)

Ashamed

I have been going to Post Secondary schools for the past 10 years and have over $125,000 in student loan debt with no degree and way of paying it back.

Taken advantage of

I have been taken advantage of in a way I may have asked for while unwell or in a way that I don't know what to do anything about. I can't see a positive outcome. I went to the hospital to get help and found it unhelpful as they just want to focus on one thing. People screamed from the seclusion rooms and I regretted going in their completely.

Pull

I surprised myself. After spending so many years not aware of it, trying to hide it, identifying it, and feeling embarrassed. Something changed. The hairdresser pointed out the unusual breakage on my hair and I admitted I have trichotillomania. I pull out my hair when I feel anxious. It didn't feel scary to admit it strangely. What changed?

Expectations

When your young child is diagnosed with a disability or a severe learning disorder, or both, you grieve. It is an exquisitely painful grief. The heart is wrenched and torn in directions you didn't know were possible. You rage, and you bargain, and you at once curse the gods you deny exist while begging the same for impossible deals. There are no atheists in pediatricians’ offices. You may negotiate for your little one’s normalcy in exchange, for instance, ten years off the end of your life span, maybe twenty, or the failure of the left kidney. You would give up your eyesight in a heartbeat if it would help them, or even your life. In your irrational, unhinged and ungovernable agony, these do indeed seem like the kinds of cruelly irrelevant and useless things human-invented deities would gleefully take in exchange for the good of The Child. However, in time you realize that you are not grieving for The Child, you are grieving for yourself, and specifically, what your expectations of what you imagined your life and The Child’s life was going to be. They were going to attend UBC of course! They would major in biology, or better yet… chemistry? Maybe computer science. No. The Child will never even speak. You will never even hear them say “I love you, Daddy.” You go on though, and you make it through every day, often hour by hour or even minute to minute, because you have no choice, and because it is what you do. And every tick of the second hand is another victory chalked up upon the wall your formerly selfish expectations built between who you were then and who you are now. You just love them. You love The Child with every last elementary particle in your battered, broken, but ever-raging heart, and in the end, you wouldn’t change anything, ever, for every left kidney in the world.

I met a nice lady last night

We met in the bar I said I was 57 she said she was 26...I said I still live with my mom & dad in my basement suite and I have a small fridge by my bed with beer and snacks...she said no....am I ugly?....I still go to church so I'm a nice man.

High school fantasy

So many times in our grade 8 PE class @ boyd i looked you up and down, watching the sweat drip during the hour class. I was emo af and repellant to you..but the desire has lingered. I wanna do over.. maybe never.. maybe for temporary relief.. maybe to feel at ease… maybe to try again.

I loved you but it was never enough

I was in a relationship with this guy since April 2018, and we recently broke up. I tried to be the best girlfriend and gave my 100% to this relationship. Apparently, my 100% wasn’t enough to please this guy. He was my first boyfriend ever. Maybe that’s why I did not want to let go of this relationship that easily. I changed myself a lot for him. I just wanted someone who could love me, care for me and understand me. I have learned the hard way that you can’t make someone feel something. Emotions and feelings come from within. Coming from a broken home, I just craved a cure little family of my own. I just wanted to live with this person forever and create a family with him. It’s heart breaking how money changes people. He had become so money minded. Everytime while spending time with me, he would be thinking that in that time he would have made money if he was working. Or he would be checking his phone all the time for social media videos. I wish my live story was different…

I SAW YOU

Tall n Bald at Poirier Gym

Somebody tell me you’re single! You’re a tall, strong fellow, a regular at Poirier around 9am....