Confessions

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What is is your word worth these days?

"I have no interest in knowing someone else, not in the way I know you!" You said. Now you are dating: -wearing that cologne I gifted you -sleeping in the sheets we bought together -going for walks with MY dog Fast backwards 6 years ago: broke and shit credit. I stood by you. No, you did not leave then. That joke is on me. If I see you on the walk, I will hold my head high. You see, I don't have to look for my dignity anywhere. At least I afforded me that luxury. Do, change street/direction, if you ever run into me. The world would be better for everyone that way.

Cruel

To pretend to love someone to spare there feelings only makes it worse. Be honest about how you feel. Don't lie,pretend ,or sleep with them. Because in the end you only destroy them completely. And that is cruel. It's confusing and it's honestly f**king evil.

It won’t change

All my life, I’ve been a lonely person. Even when I’m in the company of some people, whether inside a conference, workshop, gathering or party, I’m always lonely. You could put me in a room full of 10, 20, 30 or maybe even 150 people and I’ll still feel lonely.

Location location location

I live in Richmond and my friend lives downtown. I have always gone to see her, and then take transit (45-60 mins) or Uber home and she walks home from the bar. I asked her to come to my hood for a change. And she refused, saying she’s working on her mental health and prioritizing self care. She won’t even meet me halfway along Skytrain stops. Truly, it’s amazing how friends will farm out all the labour to you, and defend their behaviour.

Apparently

By the end of 2025 A.I. will be taking over 85 million jobs done by people. So my question is how will humans be supporting themselves ? How will be paying for these crazy expensive apartments, mortgages and super expensive food and the gas for our cars with car payments and insurance,cell bill's, heat our homes. Anybody?

Decentish Human

The longer I live with myself, the more I realize just how hard it is trying to erase -largely self-inflicted- past hurt. You can visit shrinks and read psychology books till the cows come home, but certain pain prangs seem to linger for forever and a day. The hardest of these is learning how to let go of people you loved deeply but either whose affection wasn't reciprocal or it was, but they simply belonged elsewhere at that point in time. Oh, and realizing that you hurt them when you didn't mean to at all, as a result. Saying sorry never cuts it; moreover you can't rewind life like you can a video tape (I is old). Learning how to be a decentish human seems to be a lifetime endeavour of trial and error. It doesn't require money, owning fancy things, or even a primary school education either. You can have twelve degrees, live in the British Properties, and still be a royal hemroid. The only thing that seems to soothe the bitterness of facing our inner rattlesnake at times is wishing those we hurt well, and hope/pray that they're living good lives, if they still happen to be alive. Forgiving others seems to start with forgiving yourself, if you're willing to acknowledge that you ain't no saint that is, and that love should be selfless. I still got a looong way to go.

My grandma passed

and does not want her ashes to be in Europe with her husband’s. They were married for over 50 years and he set up a tomb for them in Hungary and everything, but she decided she just wants hers in the ocean with her son here in Vancouver. Imagine staying married to someone for that long and then not wanting to be buried with them. Kind of makes me glad I’m single!!

Strength

I've arrived at the conclusion that real strength is learning both how to stay positive in the face of pain and hardship, and how to count your blessings. It's easy to blame the world for all that's wrong. It's super difficult though to still keep on going, and wear every physical and mental wound on your chest like a badge of honour and bravery, and somehow find it within you to keep smiling. I tip my hat to Paul Alexander, the man who made it to 78 in trapped in an iron lung, and practiced law and knew how to laugh and love. And here's to those who grew up in slums and abject poverty, and discovered humour and humility in their squalor. Here's to every other story of survival and resilience. To be able to rise from ashes and rebuild yourself or even re-root, sometimes multiple times over, takes major guts. To me, they are true heros and stars. They're all among us, and most of the time completely invisible. Never, ever judge a book by its cover.

Proud

One of the most interesting parts of being a parent is watching your children grow. This doesn’t change as they become adults and parents themselves either. I love watching the way they mature and learn and change. It’s also taught me to be more forgiving of myself as I watch them make some of the same mistakes that I did when I was younger. Now I understand that I was just fumbling along trying to do my best just like everyone else. I’m so proud of the humans I made because each one of them are truly kind and thoughtful people, and to me that’s what really matters in life. How we treat others is how we will be remembered. I hope they will remember me fondly.

I SAW YOU

Happy Day Cafe on Kingsway

You were sitting by yourself & you ordered a few Curry Fish Balls and a few deep-fried Spring...