I'm sure people have probably posted about this many times, but I digress. So glad I finally closed my Facebook account for good. It brought out the worst in me and nearly ruined my life. Being on that superficial platform nearly cost me a great deal of my sanity and dignity as well as my health. Getting rid of it permanently has made me a much better person. I can't emphasize enough just how gratifying it feels to be free as a bird. And Whoever wants to stay in touch with me can either send me an email, text or better yet meet in person.
I used to walk around stores and malls, watch films in the movie theatre, sit in cafes drinking coffee and read or write for hours. I used to travel. I used to love the sauna, visit the gym and go to restaurants. I used to hang out at friends houses. Few if any of these things feel safe or wise to do anymore. My friends have moved away. I am left wondering what is fun in my life.
This last week I spoke to more new people than I have in the entire last 18 months. It was truly a great week of eye contact, smiles, laughs, support and kindness. My life has been a barren desert so the simple act of meeting new people has been like winning the lottery. And I discovered something very interesting: there is a reason that I like certain people’s cadence and energy. After some simple digging, it turns out that we have done the same things, and like the same things, almost identical things. It’s true, you can enter the room as strangers and emerge at the end of the night as friends. I just wanted to send out there positive vibes and a massive thanks to people who are open and who continue to embrace life and connection!
I went to a funeral. There was a non stop presentation of images overhead. The deceased persons travel images: cruises, beaches, drinks in hand, cruises, beaches, more drinks in hand. It made me think about what I want to show at my own funeral. And I don’t want my travel pictures showing in an endless loop. It looked utterly self indulgent and meaningless. We’re here for a short short time. Are we just here to feel good, masturbate, watch life drift by? I want my life to have more meaning. How did I serve the community, how did I care for things, did I make any changes for the greater good. What sacrifices I made for someone else. Did I care about and do anything about others well being. I never had these thoughts before of what my legacy may be. But vacation pictures are not how I want to be remembered by. Strange as it may sound, I don’t want to be remembered for living a life of pleasure.
you will never escape your class. you might make more money and dress well now. you might have a nice home. you might have great taste. and the people around you as you move up don't reflect that, not everyone moves up. most are born and remain in the same position and if you change, you might disgrace the class you're from if you so choose to. i remember my mom stopped by my work to say hi to me, my boss didn't say hi to her even though i introduced her to my coworkers. my mom looks worn out and speaks accented english, in a graphic tee and skinny jeans and sneakers that don't match, with a wire cart for groceries. that was one of the last straws that had me leave that shop. it didn't pay much but the owners didn't have to make much, they have their families behind them.
it's stuff like that that makes me lose respect instantly. i have a lot of empathy, for rage, for irresponsibility, for flakiness, for the misuse of hurtful words, for ignorance, for alcoholism, for all our flaws, but that sort of behaviour isn't problematic. it's hatred. i've experienced this a lot, my father gets a lot of looks for having one leg. my step-father for being black. i've seen that look from people many times in my life and it fills me with disgust. people look at me now and assume that i must come from some traditional family, middle class at least. if i model or if i own the places i've just been working for. i give off a distinguished impression that wasn't intentional, with a clear voice and tasteful clothes that exude confidence, spare the tee shirts (sometimes). but my family is where i come from and if you can't accept that, you will not have anything to do with me. if asked for my honest opinion, i'll speak of how you looked at my mother. because that's all anyone needs to know to understand who you really are.
Confession part: I’m a straight female in my 40s that hasn’t had sex in several years. Online dating isn’t for me. Help wanted part: I work in a female-dominated industry (90%+ female, with queer women overly represented). This would be a dream come true if I were the latter, but I am not. Does anyone have any tips on where (hobbies, professions, etc.) there are too many straight or bi men? I need to go there and soak in some testosterone. I’m started to get a skewed perception of Vancouver from my bubble.
I confess I am still in love with someone 10 or 11 years later. Haven't seen/spoken to this person since then.. but somehow they've been in my mind and heart forever..and counting. I cannot confess to anyone, so I will confess here. Maybe they will come back into town for the holidays to see family, and maybe we will see each other? Maybe he is thinking of me too? His last words still ring in my head... "we will never be okay".. But maybe time has healed those wounds? ...Sigh
I've left my house probably 10 times in the last 30 days and when I went out today I made a faux pas. I forgot about the rules I'm supposed to be bound by and went over the "line" they had there. I was just happy to talk to another human being at that moment. I don't dress trashy to signify I'm a bum. Some people are still way too scared.
I guess it’s too much to ask that people treat each other with a modicum of respect or compassion. After several years of being single after being with a super toxic and abusive woman, I put myself out there online. I was hesitant, I have not had the best of luck with women in this city, but out of loneliness I tried. I wish I had not. I know it’s harder for men online. I know there are reasons for that. But I have super LOW expectations and I’m still shocked at how shitty people can be. I’m not even looking for sex. I would just like to meet good and honest people. But maybe they don’t exist here. I don’t know anymore. About anything.
I am married to a really amazing man. The problem is, I can't shake the memories of being with women. It drives me crazy sometimes. I want to be happily married but its so hard to let go of the thoughts. I search for other married women that can relate to me but I don't think anyone knows how to talk to other women about these kinds of struggles. There must be someone that understands. There must be other married women like me.