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I don't know where I belong

No family, no close friends. Have been priced out of renting in my beloved neighborhood. Where do I go? Different town, different province?

What a mess

I cancelled the last of my streaming sites today. Maybe it is because the last 2 springs(march- may) got cancelled, but I have spent 6-8 hours daily outside this spring. I no longer have a smart phone, just a flip phone for dialing. I have an email account, although not many emails come these days. My online shopping has been at zero purchases for 2022, unlike the last decade of it being my go to. Outside of local news, a GS confession, and a few other basic web searches I have digitally detoxed. 5 months into 2022 and my New Years resolution, one I though unobtainable, has been obtained.

What the hell

I work in healthcare on the DTE and the pandemic was stressful. We all wore our masks and we had a few outbreaks here and there. Six of my coworkers have it and they are really sick, not just an Omicron cold. One is in the hospital. The clients are sick and my manager is off because his whole family has it. And many of the staff refuse to wear masks because they say it’s over, but everyone is getting sick. It’s worse than during the pandemic. So strange.

Fake

I can't stand it when people make videos online and when something funny happens with a friend, pet, etc. they laugh while making eye contact into the camera rather than laughing with the person/in the moment. It makes it seem so freakin fake and impersonal. Like can't we just enjoy one simple thing like laughter in the moment rather than doing everything for the camera? It actually drives me nuts

Don’t understand

I admit my friends confound me. My friend disappeared for 3-4 years; I texted him happy birthday, Christmas, New Years messages. Nothing. Out of the blue he msg’d me. I can’t say I’m elated to hear from him. Another friend ditched me for half a year after I lost my job. Then msg’d me. I feel like these friends are only coming back because they want something. I’ve moved on because I’ve learned to live without them in my hardest times. I know ppl here will fire back at me “You’re lucky, I have no one” kind of thing. But that’s exactly it. These ppl made me feel very alone and now they present themselves before me. So much has happened and our friendship has deflated so much and I don’t feel excitement to pump it back up again.

no longer my problem

My former industry is crying for experienced people like myself but I have no sympathy after all the inventive ways they came up with to take advantage of me since the 2008 recession.

Victory!

Something I thought would never happen finally did. I happened to be in the same place at the same time as my ex; the person who broke my heart a thousand times and left me completely shattered. But when I saw him I felt NOTHING. Just free! Lighter and happier. I thought this day would never come, and I was wrong. So just hang in there all you heartbroken people, because it will happen for you too. : )

Family stuff

My Dad is in the early stages of prostate cancer. It's affecting me so much that I can't even eat, sleep or think. We're really close and I don't want anything to happen to him. He reassures me that it's treatable so all I can do is hope. If something happens to him, then the thought of dealing with relatives on his side of the family frightens me. My Dad has told me many many stories of how his brothers and sisters caused him nothing but trouble and heartache throughout his life. Passive aggression runs in his family because these people are ignorant, hypocritical and don't know how to communicate. I have so many cousins that I don't even talk to. I don't consider any of them family. I guess family doesn't necessarily mean the people whom you were born with. Couldn't care less about any of them. I just want my Dad to pull through and stay healthy.

Elon Musk

Things haven’t been going very well at work. I’m stuck in a dead end job where the hours aren’t great and the people are shitty. The company I work for is one of those “Top 100 Employers in BC”, which is really bullshit. I have grown tired of favouritism, layers of bureaucracy and the lack of support from the Union. I’m looking to work somewhere else in the meantime and pray that something much better is waiting around the corner. Reading about how Elon Musk bought Twitter and has high functioning Autism gives me a bit of hope because if he can become hugely successful, so can I. I’m trying.

A few years ago....

I started to transition from male to female...but stopped, because I didn't pass...I was seen as a crossdresser or drag queen which I did not identify as....I felt more female, still on estrogen, but don't know why, I say I'm non-binary, but don't think I'm considered non-binary enough, plus I'm over 60, tall receding hairline, deep booming voice, tall, I guess I just was transitioning because I was unhappy with who I was before, I have always been kind of feminine in my mannerisms, very unattractive with my weird looking nose & buck teeth... I've always liked women, still do...I guess I'm just resigned to being a straight cis guy who loves women.

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