Confessions

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Not impressed with Dr Bonnie anymore

The soft approach worked for the first few months, but now we're almost one year in and no end in sight for 2021. Many of us are trying to do the right thing and paying the price of being lonely, stressed, depressed. But the lack of hard rules and repercussions allow others to do what they want, leave their communities, meet with people outside their bubble... and the rest of us suffer with never-ending Covid lives. There are places in the world (Australia for one) who have been living fairly normal lives, no masks, concerts, family gatherings because they had strict lockdown, closed borders, and steep fines for a few months. A few months of lockdown then freedom for the rest of the year, versus a full year of weak rules and very limited freedom. How much longer are we expected to do this? When will the government DO something rather than putting the responsibility and burden on us, when clearly some of us could care less about the rules? Close all borders, road checks, stiffer fines/charges for rule breakers. Stop f* dragging this out!

Pocket Friends

I secretly keep a online shortlist of people who have a crush on me in case I don't get what I want from my current relationship.

Manipulation

The worst part of being cheated on is how they make you doubt yourself and your own intuition. Never again.

Toxic "friend"

I just cut ties with my best friend of 15 years who has become toxic. I'm very sad but I also feel a sense of relief. She loves when I'm not doing well, you can just tell that it makes her feel better about herself. She made it very clear in a message to me today that she thinks she's better than me. I'm mentally unstable right now after going through a rough pregnancy and divorce and she is feeding off it it like a shark. It's like she loves to see me this way. I'm not putting up with it anymore. I'm trying to better my and my child's life and we don't need negative people like that in it, whether we've been friends since highschool or not. I miss the old friend.. not this person. Wish her the best, really.. but I am finding comfort in moving forward. Thanks for reading.

Maybe

Is there a few of us that are just loving the mask? I feel like shit and I don’t want to wear makeup. I just feel like hiding and I love it. And I didn’t get my colds this year. And I don’t get men telling me to smile! This was such a common occurrence, because my German RBF is bad. Lol! Just feel less hassled. Sad, but true.

Not crazy

about sex. I just don’t really crave it all that much. I do get horny and masturbate occasionally when the mood strikes, so I wouldn’t say that I’m asexual or low libido. I just don’t really like doing it with a man (I’m a heterosexual woman). I’ve had quite a few boyfriends and mostly I always felt like sex was more for them and we never really connected that well sexually. It was always like even my pleasure was for them to turn them on and reassure them that they’re ‘good in bed.’ So I faked a lot of orgasms.

History repeats itself

When my dad hit his late 40s, the job losses began. He never worked a permanent full time job after that. Fast forward to now. Even before Covid struck, my late 40s/early 50s friends started to lose their jobs. Some of them have now 2-4 year unemployment gaps and they’re unlikely to find anything during the pandemic. It’s a frightening sight, seeing one living a stable and good life, and the fall into poverty, stress and shame.

Breezy legs

I have been single 3 months. I stopped shaving my legs and for the first time since pre teen I have full growth hair on my legs. It tickles when I walk bare legged.

Can't sleep forever

I am so depressed that I have not been showering often.. probably once a week when I used to shower every day. I used to find joy in waking up and taking care of myself, getting nicely dressed, playing music while putting on makeup etc.. Lately in the morning I just stare at the ceiling in my dark basement suite wishing I hadn't woken up at all. I look forward to night time so I can fall asleep and dream. My dreams take me away and although I'm depressed the dreams are often more pleasant than real life. Last night I had a dream that I was walking through a forrest. The sun was beaming through the trees creating lines of golden glitter in the air. Not a soul was around except the birds and me which normally would make me feel empty but I felt so at peace. It felt like a something out of a magical land with mystical creatures. There was the sound of a river and the trees were so tall and green. All of a sudden I saw a man walking toward me. It was my dad. He held my hand and told me everything would be okay and then I woke up. I woke up crying and am tearing up as I write this now. I wish I could have slept longer to stay there with my dad and the beauty of the forrest. Since he passed when I was eight years old I have only had a small number of dreams of him. When I do dream of him I wake up happy but not this time. It just reminded me again of what I have lost, and that life in unfair does not care whether I am depressed or not.. Wallowing in sadness has never been something I would do but now I find myself here. Maybe this is something I have to wait out. I wish it would end because I'm so tired and it's dragging on.

I like

this pandemic. Humanity was becoming far too entitled, toxic competitive and over-populated. Treating the Earth like a dumpster and viciously abusing all of its other creatures. The truth is, none of us really deserve anything. The world doesn’t owe us. Being part of this or that group does not make anyone more entitled as we are all guilty at some point of taking things that weren’t really ours in the first place.

I SAW YOU

Tracey/ Tracy, West End nature lover/...

Saturday morning in the Timmy's, corner of Denman and Nelson; you were buying chamomille tea...

SAVAGE LOVE

Savage Love: Antidepressants put the boots to reader’s kinks

If pills have banished both your libido and your kinks, Dan Savage advises seeking medical help with a different dosage or a new drug.