Confessions

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Hindsight

I confess that one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made was to sell my place, thinking that I’d be able to buy another one. I lost my career many years ago, and because of the financial crisis happening at the same time I wasn’t able to find a new job. So I sold it (made a great profit) and rented, assuming it would be a temporary situation. It wasn’t. Thanks to the massive influx of foreign buyers and crooks into our housing market, prices escalated into the stratosphere and I’ve been renting ever since. Now I’m a senior living in a precarious housing situation, wondering when (not if) I’m going to be homeless. My advice? If you own your own place, don’t sell it unless it’s truly the last resort.

Ignore me?

I confess that when someone who I’m supposedly important to ignores my text, (as in, no reply for hours or until the next day or later) I assume that I’m not important enough to them to be bothered to reply. So, I react accordingly. I’m busy too. I know that it’s not always easy to have a conversation when you’re not up for it. But it takes seconds to send a quick message to say that you’ve got it, and you’ll respond in more detail later. If you can’t be bothered to do that, then unless you’ve got an extremely legitimate excuse (someone died, you’ve become terribly ill, you’ve been robbed, your phone has been stolen, etc.), you’ve just told me everything I need to know.

Happy Valentine’s

This is my fifth consecutive year being single on Valentine’s Day, and my annual tradition until this point has been to “check up” on exes and former flames on social media, get drunk and feel sorry for myself, while hoping that someone will “surprise me”. Well, this year I decided to surprise myself by doing something differently, and making a big list of things to be grateful for instead. And it’s truly done wonders today. I have no wish to “check up” on anyone, self-abuse under the guise of self-care, and I don’t feel sad at all. Wishing everyone a great day, whether single or coupled!

Hate the blues

Im talking about the music. I really hate it. It sounds so freaking boring and redundant. Sadly, one of my best friends is ALL ABOUT the blues and wont shut up about it. I mean, I respect pretty much any musician, but man... the blues sucks.

It feels weird

Soon after the pandemic started I started washing all my groceries as soon as I got home. I live with a frail senior with many serious health issues and was terrified that I would bring covid into the house on the groceries. For almost a year now I have been washing all my groceries with soap and water and throwing out all the cardboard boxes that products come packaged in. This usually takes me one and a half hours to do after a large shop. I know that my fears are largely irrational but I can't seem to stop. I know it's a massive waste of time and probably unnecessary but I have come to the conclusion that I will probably continue doing this until both of us have been vaccinated.

Best gift I’ve ever given

I give gifts all the time: birthday gifts, shower gifts, celebration gifts, wedding gifts. I try to be thoughtful and generous in my gift giving, but I don’t expect my gifts to have any long-term impact on the receive. Great some happiness and move on. My sister has struggled with infertility for years. She asked me to be an egg donor and I agreed. She was successful and is now due in the Spring. I cannot describe to you how good it makes me feel to know that my gift changed her life. We come from a conservative culture/family, so only she, her partner and myself know about it.

Can't seem to make myself heard

When others speak, I listen. Interrupting is not my thing and I can't bring myself to do it. It feels like the world is built for those who are loud, can unapologetically talk over others, and respond quickly. Conversations often move too fast for me to chime in, so I appear meek and quiet. Am I the only one?

Complete Shit Show

I met a really sweet girl recently and I have a gigantic crush on her. She told me the other night that she’s too fucked up emotionally to get into anything serious. I have a feeling it’s not as much that as it is the fact I’m a raging alcoholic and hang out with crazy, toxic losers who do piles of drugs and get in fights. Time to clean up my act and get new friends.

Rites of Passage

Not everyone has kids, gets married, falls in love, or grows old. But everybody dies. For those closest to me, I didn’t think the possibility would come so soon. It’s always been someone distant. How could I think it would never happen? Mortality is only a matter of time, for any of us. This is the way of things. No thing continues forever. Memento Mori

Bus fuss

I never sit in the rear-facing seats on the bus anymore because more and more people are putting their dirty shoes on the seats. I get that public places are "dirty", and Sheldon Cooper's "bus pants" are definitely a thing, but I don't know when (younger) people completely lost respect for public places. Some of these people are even in their 30's. I'm in my 40's and everybody in my "generation" got smacked a new one by our parents or any elders nearby if we ever dared put our feet on the seat. Yesterday I saw a high schooler completely splayed out across the back row of bus seats. I saw where the shoes were, so I guess I won't be sitting in the back row anymore either.

I SAW YOU

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