Confessions

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Rainy day observations

I love the idea of warm chocolate chip cookies on a rainy day with some milk by the window or hot chocolate. It gives off that calming vibe when all you do is think and gaze as life drops you buy those morning dew drops.

Sweet dreams

Sometimes I wait till my husband is asleep to please myself and get a good deep sleep. It’s not that I don’t love him with all my heart but he takes awhile to come.

Self involved

I’m self involved. I rarely call or text anyone these days. It was always me taking the initiative which got really tiring because friendship is a two-way street. It felt exhausting to have to make the effort so I’m just taking a break right now. No, I don’t want to blame it on Covid or anything because I’m tired of using Covid as an excuse. It’s hard to explain… I find that the more I age, the less enthused I become. I don’t even have time or energy to get out there and try making new friends. I think I will just embrace my solitude and let nature take its course.

Nip it in the bud

I’m tired of talking about my ex girlfriend. I don’t want to talk about her anymore. After we broke up, I’d look back and try to make humour out of that bad situation I was in. Maybe it’s funny the first time, but eventually it gets old. It gets boring, exhausting and downright depressing so I’m simply too tired to take anymore trips down memory lane. There’s no logic in wasting time with the past. It’s long gone. It’s been almost a year now and time to close the book.

Extreme loneliness will make you do crazy things

such as meeting a man, stupidly believing him when he said he had to go back to his hotel room because he forgot his phone, and narrowly escaped being raped, running as fast as I could through the cold, wet, lonely, dark streets.

Cringe

“Unlock value for shareholders” phrase makes me retch.

Pegging

I asked my wife how it felt to get fucked up her ass so she said I will show you she got a double head dilldo and showed me I love it

I love my ensuite.

Nothing special, no heated marble tile floors, no fancy steam shower, double sinks or automated toilet. Just forty square feet of simplicity and solitude. Small south facing window which allows me some fresh air or to enjoy the natural light. Central heat and air conditioning. Large vanity mirror and dimmable lighting. Far enough away from the main living spaces so most of the time all I hear is the occasional car or dog barking. What could be better?

Unsure

I'll be thirty soon. I can't believe how old I look for my age. I just gained a new forehead wrinkle the other day. I'm going to try to just accept myself. I stopped dying my greys because I'm sick of conforming to societies beauty standards. My friends and family have made pretty insensitive comments like oh god you're too young to let yourself go or wow time dye those suckers, bud. (that one did make me laugh). I feel like society accepts men going grey like it's sexy but for a woman it's not? Maybe I'm wrong. I feel so insecure but I'm tired of trying so hard. I don't know what I'm trying to say here.. I'm confused. Happy holidays folks!

Pandemic change

Life in pre pandemic times was so much better. I hate how much this has affected my mental health. I use to be so active and free. Now I feel like a completely different person; Like I lost myself. As if I am shrinking, smaller, and smaller. I use to reach out to other and reply to messages quickly, but now I don't know what to say. Everyone is dealing with their own problems / issues and I don't want to burden them with mine. I want the entire world to be safe but at the same time decide what we decide we shouldn't be criticized for it. I wish everyone to be well and safe.

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