Confessions

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Where are all the lonely people?

I wish our society had a better way of flagging or identifying lonely and single people in our society. Maybe a special shirt or hat that says “I’m single, feel free to come up and talk to me if you’re interested.” You never know how many single people are out there. I was out and about, hanging out by myself last weekend, and I would have given anything to have someone to grab dinner with. I’m sure I wasn’t alone. Just a way to take the stigma and tabooness out of it all!

Don’t talk to me

I was about to get on the escalator at Metrotown station when some dude holding a bible tried to block me. This guy waves his bible in my face and says “How’s it going?” I tell him not to talk to me, then he says “ok, I won’t.” I am not interested in anyone that tries to push and shove their personal beliefs down my throat. Whether you believe in God, mother nature or the devil is nobody’s business but your own. Keep that to yourself.

Am I the only one around here

I stare like a creep at Construction workers. I love them. It doesn’t help that they wear the high vis, either, they are like sexy little beacons. Omg

Secret boss

I was offered a job promotion as Manager that would support my boss the Vice President who is quite difficult to work for (everything is asked of you at the VERY last minute). So instead I suggested they hire someone else and let me keep being the office assistant. Worked wonders! I’m so glad to turn down stress inducing promotion. Even though it means giving up an extra $20k-30,000 a year in bonus and perks...the new guy deserves this pay for all the extra crap he has to do instead of me. I love my lower stress job (in comparison) and the pay is decent, no complaints.

I want to believe

that my luck is going to turn around, that life isn't against me, that there is hope, that life won't always feel this lonely. But when you're working flat out and you're flat broke, eating dollar store rice crackers and applesauce for dinner in an overheated room every night, it's tough.

Our new home's greatest feature

Our new home has a small but completely private backyard. The uninhibited sex any time day or night outside has totally rekindled our marriage.

Easier said than done

I confess that I inwardly cringe when someone without any real family ties tries to convince someone who does have those ties to “just move”. Or “just do what you feel like”. The reality is that when you’ve got children, it’s not easy to “just” do anything that is basically entirely for you. I’m not only talking about when your kids are little either. When you’ve got family, if you want to maintain close ties with them, moving a distance away is going to adversely affect your relationship, regardless. Similarly, if you want to live your life without ever having to concern yourself with responsibility, then do not have kids! That’s a perfectly legitimate lifestyle choice, but it’s the polar opposite of a lifestyle where obligation to one’s offspring plays a role. So if you recognize yourself in what I’m saying, please don’t get all preachy with me about “just” letting go of the family ties, because, respectfully, you have no idea what you’re talking about.

selfish friend

I find myself distancing from a friend because they constantly want to meet up only to talk non stop about themselves and all their relationship problems. I have had enough on non reciprocal relationships and people who don't value my time and energy.

Failing at love

Life's been good to me, easier then most. People know me as the man that has it all. I look good on paper. Sad to say no takers for longterm. I'm never alone alone, I always score mindless dating, nothing substantial to lift my spirits, Im beginning to see why..Ive messed up any good healthy possible relationship. When certain connections dont materialize the way I planned for whatever reason, I flashback and it infuriates me..in that moment Im consumed by seething rage and bitterness to demean and mess with women I anticipate will reject me any way I can, their friendships, relationships, confidence, career, nothing is off limit until I push them away for good. I let my anger at past opportunities I was rejected get the best of me. If only I didnt let my past make me that way and told them how I felt..But what did I do? Childishly pick them apart to avoid thinking on my pitiful issues, focus my anger on them and resort to games instead of focusing on me. I want a do over , apologize and do better, .. I feel a heaviness I cant escape..I know Im one of the lucky few who didnt lose anything over the pandemic.. that can change any day and I hate to say that day is getting closer. I put on a good game but i don't like what I see in the mirror.. I look smaller and smaller. I fear what I tried to avoid is catching up to me. ..

Painful stigma.

I've lost over a decade to depression. I literally hide myself away in my parent's house. I've tried several different medications, therapy, intense cardio, being out in nature, got a dog, meditation, healthy eating, vitamins, minerals, herbal supplements. I'm so tired of trying, I'm so exhausted from fighting. And there's noone to tell because the stigma & judgment are extreme. 

I SAW YOU

Galina, Sunset Beach Ukrainian sweetheart

Sunset Beach on the grass near the Sylvia, Monday night around 10PM. You were sitting with a male...

SAVAGE LOVE

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