Confessions

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Addicted to…porn?

For the last bunch of years our marriage has become relatively sexless. I’ve compensated by becoming addicted to porn. Not real porn, but posting photos of myself naked. Real nudes but not usually sexual. They’re actually quite popular. Go figure! I’m closer to 60 than 50, never work out, nothing special down there, but I do have an eye for the scene. It’s really nice to feel desired and appreciated. My wife would be appalled if she knew but I suspect she’d also be jealous and possessive if she read the responses.

Lonely Man

Why do I need the vaccine? I have no job and I am at home 24/7. Getting a vaccine to protect myself from....myself....doesn't seem to make sense. My Mental Health is declining. How do people deal with being alone all the time? I've resorted to Twitch for some type of human contact which kinda helps. There's too many people on there who are selling their bodies for me to give a fuck about them. Porn is too available in the world and because there's profit in it no one see's the bad side. Blinded they are. Well, It's going to be a lonely 6-8 months inside for me and a bunch of others.

Will it be another year?

Things were looking good in BC with controlling COVID. I thought I would be throwing my masks away by now, believing the “back to normal” possibility by September. That has gone down the drain. I bought a new set of masks today. My white flag of defeat with ear loops. I’m very crushed at the uncertainty of fall and winter. Will we be doing this for another year? I have an immuno-compromised kid to protect at all costs.

Oya

I haven't moved from the couch in nearly 2 freaking years. I thought eventually I'd be able to travel...guess I should learn needlework instead.

When the wife is away

Before my wife left for the old country she said she wanted a divorce when she came back. I was devastated. She is coming back now and I have enjoyed being alone and now I'm looking forward to being divorced and being alone again. Yes I know much of the fault for her wanting a divorce is on me but to be honest she will be better off without me.

Worried about her

I’m worried about a very close family member who is heading towards heartbreak. She’s in her 60’s and has a male friend who she’s known since high school, that she’s falling in love with. Her husband died several years ago and she’s been alone ever since. This friend knows the whole family and her husband, and I know he’s not in love with her. He only sees her when he’s single (he’s one of those old bachelor guys who’s a serial dater), and other than that she rarely heard from him . But lately he’s been hanging around at her place all the time ever since his most recent relationship ended. It’s what he does with every woman he dates. She cooks for him. She drives him places. He doesn’t seem to do anything for her except hang out at her place acting like he lives there. He’s nice enough but I think he’s using her and I don’t want to see her get hurt. I want to say something but I also know that it’s her business, but I care about her so much and she’s already had enough hurt in her life. I was thinking of saying something to him but it’s very awkward since he’s kind of like an uncle and I’m sure he’s just going to get angry and deny it, even if I’m right. So I’m just biting my tongue but it’s so hard to watch.

endeared by a cute customer

who i doubt i'll make a move on if an appropriate time ever arises but he's been so sweet and i just appreciate that gentle almost flirtation but not quite interaction, on the daily. the mutual lingering, the quaint cheeriness, and the finding excuses to prolong small talk. i'm not ready to get back into dating quite yet, i'm weary for it after having dated someone who never sought romance, but these pleasant interactions have reminded me that there are lovely intriguing folks out there who might want me too. sometimes that's all you need, those gentle minute flirtations.

It’s my life

My older sister finds it very strange how I feel comfortable telling some people that I have autism spectrum disorder. What does she care? I feel like she doesn’t even know me after all these years. Whatever I do is none of her fucking business but my own. Believe it or not, I’m very selective about who I share this with. I’ve only told a few close friends and coworkers that I trust because these are the good genuine people in my life.

i am tired of living

but i'll carry on. just exhausted. seeking to understand others all the while being very misunderstood, it feels like too much work these days. i don't know how people have the energy to date as they do with frequency? i suppose one summer i did that, i've had small bursts of that, but lately i don't want to see anyone at all. for example, the people i matched with online last year and had months of conversation with, i suddenly don't feel inclined to go on a date when they ask me, when in fact, i should. i wanted to! why does it feel so bothersome now? even the person that i missed so much, in the impossible chance they asked i might say yes and meet them out of mania, and then see myself walking home deciding to never see them again because i feel so numb. the act of dating draws all of my energy out of me. i think i'm depressed. financial stress will tear you apart inside out, so i'm learning. it will eat your romance and all of your desire. i am content spending time with friends, anything that isn't intimate. but a life without romance, even just the romance within you, is a sad one.

I SAW YOU

Nice new bike

You were riding your bike, I assume to visit a friend of yours in my apartment building. I saw...