In my life, I've only met a handful of people who have deep and extreme mental resonance and chemistry (less than ten, sadly zero of who I have any kind of physical relationship with right now; I don't mean romantically but any kind).
Physical attraction I find very common (there are a loooot of really physically beautiful people out there, holy smokes), and essence ("soul/spirit") resonance is also not uncommon - the number of people who happen to be an essence that is a soulmate must be in the millions, by my count [I have a kind of unorthodox understanding of what 'soulmate' means]. Both combined, also not that uncommon. But real mental resonance that is profound, amazing, mutual, and has that electric "it" factor is so rare, at least for me.
And if that's not there, the other two tend to fall by the wayside.
A lot of people are really awesome, friendly, have things in common, have that "it" factor partially, etc, yet somehow it just doesn't click in all the right ways, mutually, and it ends up being... somehow lacking experientially on my end. I'm not trying to invalidate them at all, but...
I wish I would meet more people who fall into the third category -- a lot more. Feeling lonelier around others than when I'm by myself is messed up.
Gay guys try and pick me up all the time and women think I'm a player.
I'm not either.
So, ahhh, what do I do?
This week was my birthday, turned 70. I was looking forward to reading some texts or emails from old friends or current friends as I always make a point of wishing them happy birthday and have the dates marked on the calendar. Well, you guessed it - not one single message! Feeling pretty alone.
I’m too tired to rehash the same bullshit from my past. It’s really getting old, boring and exhausting. I need to start thinking forward and take action. Action speaks louder than words. If I’m going to change my life for the better, then I need to do something about it instead of talking about it so much.
Oh my godddddddddddd, back at the office it's soooooo quietttttttttt yet there's all these people sitting in such close proximity. Why didn't I notice how weird this was. I want to run naked down the hallway. Make it stopppppp
I haven’t left my apartment in two weeks. And I don’t feel sad about it at all. I consider how amazing it all is living in the world today. Groceries delivered to my door that I ordered online. Fruit from South America, medication from across the continent, vegetables from down the coast, books from around the globe. Technology connects me to the world and I can even wash my clothes and cook food with the press of a button. It’s incredible. And yet I turn the blinds on my window to temper the sun. I feel like an addict telling myself that I can go outside any time, to quit sequestering, but I seem to lack the inspiration or need to leave. I feel like an emperor in an unknown forbidden realm where no one comes in or out.
I regret being an impossible introvert - but I have no one to confess this aloud to. While I hold social media accounts, I do not attend to them often - every few years at best. Sadly, this was the way I learned of one of my dearest friends passing, and several months after it happened. It breaks my heart to not have spent more time with them, or to have told them how much their friendship meant to me and how I loved them. I felt ashamed, and an unworthy friend! I mourned the loss deeply because true friends are rare - we are blessed and lucky to ever find and keep one. By this anonymous confession I hope that someone reads this - perhaps some other introvert like me - and remembers that we should not take our friendships for granted. The smallest things hold greater meaning with time. How many tomorrow's shall come before it's too late?
I'm a grown man, but I always tear up when I watch Anne of Green Gables.
I have run out of online shows to watch. Now I am left with a desperate kind of craving to fill that void. I need new stories to consume. Please feed me.
I went out to my BFs friend's bday the other day and his single friends made me realize how bad I want to be single. Im not in love with my bf any more and Covid has really made me hate him and the way he treats me. But last time I tired to break up with him he cried then threw my shit all over the place. Im.scared of what he will do if I break up with him again. I can't stand his lacy of maturity.