I hate the students. Annoying!

So…a few weeks ago this childhood friend who I hadn’t seen in many decades searched me out on fb and sent me a friend request. I was really pleased to reconnect with them. We exchanged a few messages, but they live several hours away so it was really just the occasional message and not hanging out in person, but I was happy thinking that I’d made a new / old friend after all these years. But I’m a busy person with lots going on in my life and I don’t spend a lot of time texting or talking on the phone. All of my friends are the same; we’ve got stuff happening and families and whatnot, and sometimes my friends and I don’t talk for ages but we’re still friends. So out of the blue today I got this message from them angrily telling me they’re done with me because I’m too busy, then they blocked me! Wtf! As if we were in some kind of high school relationship or something. I always replied to their messages quickly and in a friendly way, so this was just so random. I’ve never experienced anything quite like it before and I’m still shaking my head and giggling.

So the upcoming Guns and/or Roses concert... I just checked it's at BC Place (max capacity 54,000) and there are THOUSANDS of unsold tickets, at a minimum of $100 each. LOL! Honestly this kicks up a feeling of schadenfreude for me... to see another greedy band charging $100+ to see a washed up lead singer who has reportedly lost his voice to the ravages of age. GNR's music is also so outplayed and boring... how many times have you heard Welcome To The Jungle at a sports game or in a movie? Every time a GNR song comes on during a movie I cringe. This makes me happy to see them having this tour potentially blow up in their face. The balls it takes to try to play BC place and charge $100+... in this era of Ticketmaster's rapacious practices, it brings me great joy to see this tour failing.

I’m so conflicted. I have a family member who is a drug addict and who has hit rock bottom. They’ve used up every single friend they had. They can’t tell the truth because they lie so much that they don’t even know what truth is anymore. We can’t believe anything they say because it’s complete lies. This has been going on for many decades, and I’ve been saying this to my family for all this time, to no avail. In fact I’ve been accused of being hard hearted and mean because I’ve been advocating for tough love with them to stop enabling their addiction, but no one listened. Now things have reached a crisis and I’ve just learned that they have been shit-talking me to everyone who would listen, in spite of all the times I helped them out and how they tell me they love me when we talk. I knew about some of the lies they told about me in the past, but somehow hearing about how they’re talking about me now has made me feel really bad. I feel like just shutting them out of my life completely, for good. I know addicts aren’t really in control of their faculties, but still, I’m just really done and I don’t want anything more to do with them at all. I’m They’ve spent their whole life blaming everyone else for their problems while never doing a thing to help themselves. All they do is leech off of anyone who will let them. It’s disgusting and pathetic. But still, I’m conflicted because I do love them. Maybe I can forgive all the lies, but I think I still have to cut them out of my life.

Insomniac now because > I don’t want to go to bed because > I don’t want to wake up because > I loathe to be at my workplace where I’ve been physically threatened by the owner and also threatened that I could lose my job if I keep pressing for X. It’s impossible for me to relax with such an adrenaline dump at work. I drink heavily to try and get sleepy tired. I hate how I must be humiliated to get a paycheque. The working life sucks.

When we went to high school together, you never welcomed me, or included me in your social circle. We both graduated and then out of sight out of mind. 20 years go by and you see me walking down the street. You approached me and start talking to me as if everything’s all hunky-dory. It’s interesting how now you have the nicest things to say about me when you could have cared twenty years ago. Where were you? Why start now?

Whether it's a friendship, or a romantic relationship, or a family relationship, if it feels like work, if it's non-stop effort and pouring of your own energy into the relationship and winding up exhausted and drained, it's not really meant to be. Relationships should not feel like work. One should be accepted and worthy just for being themselves. You don't have to work, you just have to be.

The news of the flood at the Burning Man event is sort of funny to read about. This reminds me of the island in Pinocchio where the young kids went to the island to have fun and party without taking any responsibility. BAM! The flood hits ... and it is chaos. I was just recently asking a Burner about what happens if a disaster occurs, as they pride themselves on having no central governing structure. lol Well, this is it.

I love rom coms, I always dreamed of a love you see in these. The way the man does everything in his power to make the woman of his dreams his. I love trees, I walk down streets or trails or the beach. I look up and see how they’re so tall and proud. Even the ones with fallen leaves or old branches. They still hold their beauty with their endless flaws, yet still standing proud and tall. I love scratch n wins. I get excited knowing I might be the next billionaire, I think about all the ways I’d help my family, friends and then me. I love dogs, everytime you meet one they judge you not on your looks but your soul, energy and who you are inside. I love chocolate, it reminds me of my dad and the sweets he would never deny me. I love smiling at strangers, the feeling of maybe I made their day. Maybe I changed their morning afternoon or night. The imagine you receive from a short small interaction, all you feel is a beem of warmth I love photos,taking the time to find the right pose, right shot, right angle just to see the result in my friends faces. Seeing the beauty that they can’t always see. I love many things,but I wish that I could feel that one thing. Love. I’ve never truly been loved, not the love you receive from your family or friends. It’s the love you receive from that one person. Your person. I want the feeling of a man asking every detail about me and remembering the small things like my middle name,or that I have strange thoughts that I sometimes just let loose. I want a man who looks at me like I’m tall and proud,that my flaws make me even more beautiful. I want a man who buys me small simple things,just like the way my dad did. I want a man who takes his time,bends down and captures the beauty I sometimes can’t always see. I want a man where when I smile he knows that my heart is fully his. I want the love I see everyday,and feel everyday. I want to feel that love I pour into others. I want it,but I don’t need it. I see it everyday and feel it everyday. So I know I’ll always be my person.

What’s the point in bringing up the past when there’s nothing you can do about it? People often harp about how they long for “the good old days” or “coulda, woulda shoulda” and so forth etc. Wouldn’t it be better to just accept some situations as they are and move on? No use in worrying over things that can’t be changed.