Vancouver changed.

Years ago, after living in Van during the 90's, I moved back in the mid 00's. I lived above a strip club in mount pleasant. Most weekends there were shootings or beatings or violence of some kind in the area where yellow tape was around my building in the morning. I could hear the mice in the walls. Kingsgate was barren beside buy-low, an insurance place and a weird photo passport place by the washrooms. this was before the library or trendiness of current Kingsgate. My rent was like $500. It was a sh*tty abandoned neighbourhood where the community centre gym was in a stuffy basement without windows. There was a dollar pizza place still standing and outside the foundation and the first Slickity Jims there weren't many trendy restaurants yet. I left Vancouver and now pay $800 for a place with a balcony over looking Nanaimo. It has the same feel that mount pleasant did years ago. Yellow crime scene tape, dirty broken sidewalks and abandoned buildings. For the better part of my adult life I loved Vancouver. the 90's and 00s were amazing. But it changed. Leaving Van I realized that other places are cheap and eclectic and what Vancouver used to be.

Facing hard things

“I don’t know how you do it and stay so strong.” I’ve had that said to me by a few people. But just because someone is soldiering on through something really painful and difficult doesn’t mean they’re not crying in private. I learned very very early in life that no one was going to comfort me or save me, so I had no choice but to get tough. Some things have been absolutely brutal to go through alone, but I’ve dealt with those times by compartmentalizing. I just get kind of distant and numb so I don’t fall apart and then I can do what needs to be done. But I’ve paid the price just like everyone else who’s had to cope with hard times. You just won’t see it because I isolate until I feel strong enough to face the world again.


Whether it's a friendship, or a romantic relationship, or a family relationship, if it feels like work, if it's non-stop effort and pouring of your own energy into the relationship and winding up exhausted and drained, it's not really meant to be. Relationships should not feel like work. One should be accepted and worthy just for being themselves. You don't have to work, you just have to be.

No time for summer fun

when you have Major Depressive Disorder and Body Dysmorphic Disorder. All you can do is hope no one comments on the baggy hoodies you wear in the searing heat and count down until cooler, calmer autumn days.

Dating pains *woof*

I almost always end up falling for her cute dog more than her. Yep, that's really what happens when you buy cute dogs. Your boyfriend loves them so much and wants to hug and kiss them. Surprise, surprise. We're not just interested in sex, ladies.

Burning Man Karma

The news of the flood at the Burning Man event is sort of funny to read about. This reminds me of the island in Pinocchio where the young kids went to the island to have fun and party without taking any responsibility. BAM! The flood hits ... and it is chaos. I was just recently asking a Burner about what happens if a disaster occurs, as they pride themselves on having no central governing structure. lol Well, this is it.

I'm a true Canadian

I am mellow and I apologize a lot. I have mittens and like the snow. When I see our elected officials picking fights with everyone in Canada, online and around the world I don't get it. These aren't Canadian values. They don't represent anybody I know. Canadians I know are sweet, loving people who say sorry.

Too afraid.

I'm terrified of death. Too afraid to live, too afraid to die.

My mother is an alcoholic.

If I don't go to the store to buy her wine, I'm a bad daughter. Yes I know things are tough, money is tight and life isn't unfolding as she had hoped, but booze isn't the answer.

I feel like crap today

Maybe I'm dying ! Change in weather maybe. Broken heart ? I don't know ! Just tired I guess :( Do you think things ever really work out ? Rock and a hard place again. It's like it never ends. Maybe you just get to the point where you just stop trying. Like nothing you do ever works out or makes a difference anymore. Great ! But there's always tomorrow. Tomorrow


Overground from Hackney to Clapham Junction

I doubt you will ever gonna read this but… if you are thee guy who stared at me the whole journey...