Confessions

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Helping myself

I will never touch cocaine ever again in my lifetime. I was going through a phase and felt depressed over personal issues in my life. So I decided to give a try. I figured maybe it would help me sort of numb the pain so to speak. But I realize that no, it’s not the answer to solve your problems. Just giving the benefit of my experience here. On one hand it made me feel as though I’d been on top of the world right on cloud nine. But when I did too much, I’d spend my days coming home at 6 AM and layed in bed until 2 PM. Once that high wore off, I became irritable, angry and gloomy. Very bleak. Cocaine is also by far the worst drug when it comes to sex. You can’t even get aroused since it cuts off your blood circulation. I realized that I needed to look deeper inside myself to resolve the personal issues going on in my life. So I went to see a psychologist and he gave me the best advice anybody could ever give me. He told me to just focus on pleasant scheduling instead of doing drugs. And by pleasant scheduling he said to keep on doing the things I love such as drawing, exercising, swimming getting a haircut, going for a massage etc. Ever since I’ve taken up pleasant scheduling, my life has turned around for the better. I can now think for myself and my head is a lot more clear than it was before. Making a decision to cut the dangerous poison out of my life was one of the healthiest choices I’ve ever made and haven’t looked back since. I encourage anybody who is itching to break free from that vicious circle not to hesitate to go seek help. Helping yourself requires discipline and willpower but it saves your life and will do you good in the long run.

Cheatin

It’s a theme. Chicks cheat on their boyfriends with me. I never know they’re partnered up till later. It’s happened many times.

Closure

When I first found out that my best friend whom I grew up became transgendered, I didn’t know how to react. It was a lot to take in. I first met her in back in high school when she was a man. She had a different personality then and never once gave me any indication of being non-binary. I realize now that she’s much more solid and in a better frame of my mind so good for her. At least she’s healthy, happy and safe.

I love my small town

Living In a small town is great, you never know who you’ll bump into. Old friend from high school, guy I had a crush on in grade 3, or that fun moment when your ex is right behind you in a line up and you don’t notice at all till you leave. Life is so full of surprises I can’t wait to get up and out there to see what happens next.

A Long Time Ago

I was a normal person. I wasn't always a hermit. I built this cave, the filth, the pallid complexion and the mumbling over the past decade, but before that I was just a simple guy who liked a young woman. She smelled good and she was spontaneous and fun. I knew this was the woman for me... but unfortunately she didn't feel the same. So I did what any normal guy would do and I fled into the woods and built my lair of shame.

im so tired

im so fucking tired of everything. i hate life. i hate my face. i hate my body. i hate my hair. i hate everything about myself. why am i so fucking ugly. why tf do people think im gay. im fucking crying myself to sleep wanting to just dissapear. im so tired of this fucking bullshit. i always get rejected. im always the one left out. im always annoying. im just so tired of verything. school is just fucking me over and i have no friends. even my parents begin to judge me. i become more and more angry at everyone and everything. im more and more sensitive. i just cant anymore. im so tired

Channel Yawnsville

I hardly watch much TV these days. Most cable channels rarely show good movies like they used to and the news is boring. I don’t even care to watch local news anymore…dead body this, Covid that, police transition this, vaccine that. Same old song and dance. I guess no news is good news.

I'm 38

My condo overlooks a tennis court. I spend most of my day making tennis ball sounds with my lips as I work on a laptop. Pop! Pop! Pop!

Ethics

Some of the hardest thoughts to make sense of these last couple of years, is how many people out there lack integrity and morals, they can't wrap their heads around how unethical their actions are. During times of great suffering they have a chance to shine a light on atrocities being committed and try to prevent them repeating. They instead chose to use their platforms to censor silence and further dehumanize human beings in the name of ethics. The cognitive dissonance in certain fields is breathtaking. I wouldn't want to be in any of those people's shoes when they realize the weight of what they've done. Maybe they do realize and only care for profits, depressing thought either way.

Still me

I am a lot more hurt and probably scarred from adverse events and illega conversion therapy bullshit than I want to or can admit. l got so scared that I didn't let anyone in my home. I feel so uncomfortable now and want those assholes to have the potential to be in prison. I wish someone was inviting me to brunch because I feel so alone now. I hid it for a while but the burn is deep.

I SAW YOU

Fabulous Fluevog boots

Fabulous Fluevog boots! We met on Bus 9 and chatted. I know your name Br……. I’m Pe….

SAVAGE LOVE

Savage Love: Fantasies real or imagined can be fun until hubby brings up his ex-fiancée

Dan Savage tries to put things in perspective for a woman who received a rude surprise after a fantastic session of oral sex.