Confessions

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Forgive and move on...

I forgive all those who've ever hurt me, as well as apologize to all those I've likewise hurt -- dead and alive. I don't want to harbor anger, pain, or hurt inside of me anymore, and let it fester like a diabetic wound that never fully heals. I above all forgive myself, all my imperfections, and all my mistakes. I know I'm no saint. Every last mishap - be it big or small - has been a teacher; thus, I'm thankful. It's time to move on, mentally, physically, and spatially... and appreciate what I do have rather than pine over what I don't, and over "what ifs." I want to share love -- even with my worst enemy (for they, too, must must be writhing with pain inflicted upon them by others, or themselves!). I wish those who've come and gone from my life well; I wish myself well, too. No more looking back. No more guilt. No more "if only I'd have..." I also want to be proud of and openly wear my genuine flaws rather than spend all my energy on trying to mask them with fake perfection (a draining and never ending task). Peace to all, and to me, and to this world. What's done is done. Life's short -- and beautiful, if you choose to seek beauty in the ugly. I'm now at peace with me, and gone. Amen.

It’s pretty absurd

Working your ass of on a dying planet with no future. I just want to volunteer to help people and clean the oceans.

Closure

When I first found out that my best friend whom I grew up became transgendered, I didn’t know how to react. It was a lot to take in. I first met her in back in high school when she was a man. She had a different personality then and never once gave me any indication of being non-binary. I realize now that she’s much more solid and in a better frame of my mind so good for her. At least she’s healthy, happy and safe.

Cheatin

It’s a theme. Chicks cheat on their boyfriends with me. I never know they’re partnered up till later. It’s happened many times.

Every Year

As much as I love the holiday season, I really hate some things that come with it. People just act so fucking crazy out in public. For example, especially around this time of year, when I'm at the store getting my regular groceries I just want to go in, buy what I need, and head home. Stores are understandably crowded, and yet some folks tend not to be paying any attention to their surroundings or where they are going. That results in getting cut off or run into multiple times (like 5 - 6 times) and these people don't even have the good grace to acknowledge it. And then there's the aggressiveness to get at things. I mean these are adults fighting over items on a shelf! I just shake my head and walk away. I feel like they need a good whack with a broom to wake them up. Every year it's just one giant cluster fuck I want to avoid.

I love my small town

Living In a small town is great, you never know who you’ll bump into. Old friend from high school, guy I had a crush on in grade 3, or that fun moment when your ex is right behind you in a line up and you don’t notice at all till you leave. Life is so full of surprises I can’t wait to get up and out there to see what happens next.

Still me

I am a lot more hurt and probably scarred from adverse events and illega conversion therapy bullshit than I want to or can admit. l got so scared that I didn't let anyone in my home. I feel so uncomfortable now and want those assholes to have the potential to be in prison. I wish someone was inviting me to brunch because I feel so alone now. I hid it for a while but the burn is deep.

A Long Time Ago

I was a normal person. I wasn't always a hermit. I built this cave, the filth, the pallid complexion and the mumbling over the past decade, but before that I was just a simple guy who liked a young woman. She smelled good and she was spontaneous and fun. I knew this was the woman for me... but unfortunately she didn't feel the same. So I did what any normal guy would do and I fled into the woods and built my lair of shame.

Channel Yawnsville

I hardly watch much TV these days. Most cable channels rarely show good movies like they used to and the news is boring. I don’t even care to watch local news anymore…dead body this, Covid that, police transition this, vaccine that. Same old song and dance. I guess no news is good news.

I'm 38

My condo overlooks a tennis court. I spend most of my day making tennis ball sounds with my lips as I work on a laptop. Pop! Pop! Pop!

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