Or in his case, it was a jar of keys. Same thing I guess, because I can only imagine how many women gave him their heart along with their key. Artifacts, I called them. The saddest thing is that he really didn’t clue in that it wouldn’t always be that easy to keep collecting either. He claims to be happy, but I can see right through him as usual and he’s got a bewildered and mildly desperate look in his eyes now. I used to hope that my love would be enough to break the pattern, but now I know that with some people, nothing is ever going to be enough. They’re addicted to looking for something better right around the corner and they’ve always got one foot out the door. Just like I learned to live half a life when I was with him, I’ve finally learned to live my whole life without him. “Who do you think you are, running ‘round leaving scars?”

And I don't regret a single one.

Someone I used to work with started a Go Fund Me for her cat. She earns good money and just bought an apartment with her fiancé. Shit. I live in a basement suite! I'd love a cat. Go Fund Me would be a last resort for me though. Already at 1 / 10 of the goal though. It's impossible to keep up with the Jones and Joneses'. It's hard to keep feeling optimistic and happy about life when cats get more attention than you do.

A co-worker told me horrible news before the weekend. There was an accident where her sister works and scalding hot cooking oil was spilled all over her, sending her to the hospital with 3rd degree burns. She gave me an elaborate story about how her sister was a supervisor at A&W when a car crashed into the drive-through spilling the oil on her. She said it happened on April 3rd. My co-worker was finishing her shift and was leaving so I wasn't able to give her much in the way of condolences before she was gone for the day. I decided to see if this horrible occurrence made the news, I checked the internet for stories about cars crashing into a drive-through at an A&W and saw the incident did happen in North Van, on March 16th. I thought it was a bit odd she would get the date of such a traumatic event that wrong. After the weekend, when I saw her again, I asked how her sister was doing. she gave me this blank stare and told me "she's at work". I mentioned the news she gave me on Friday and she laughed and said, "Oh, that was my sister's niece". I told her, on Friday, she specifically said it was her sister. She reiterated with "no, it was my sister's niece". Then she went on with her job. To lie about something like that is odd to be sure, but this woman is a very strict evangelical christian, she goes to church three days a week and got on my case once when I admitted that I like to have a glass of wine at the end of the day to wind down. Lots of tut-tutting about the evils of alcohol. Surly using someone's tragedy for attention would be frowned on at her church? I don't trust my co-worker anymore, I don't even know if the person involved is actually her sister's niece either. I didn't push the issue. I'm an atheist, I have heard her talk about the fates in store for non-believers in the afterlife. I guess her sins will be forgiven and mine won't be? This sort of thing just cements by belief.

She discovered her last Tinder guy was still with his wife. I had just been through a fresh breakup so we cuddled for a night. I shouldered her troubles and supported her emotionally for a few months until she disappeared with the next Tinder guy without a trace.

I didn’t catch up on the eclipse today. Didn’t even notice anything happening outside. For some reason, it just doesn’t do it for me. None of these things capture my interest or make me want to orgasm.

The other day, I had my other selves in parallel universes gaze into my own and it was humbling, I'm not gonna lie. One of me was married and happy - a good person - while the other was also single but wildly successful. And he was absolutely FURIOUS that I was not. That I was still living with my parents. WTF?!? He's both ruthless and unforgiving. Scary. But I took solace knowing that God has positioned me where I am for good reason.

I professionally translate/adapt dialogue for plays, movie scripts, TV shows and the like from X language into English. I confess that whenever I get to the argument bits, I always pepper the text with witty one liners and fleeting expletives from (in some cases, decades' old) fights between me and all my exes, and from bitter-turned-comical spats my mum and dad used to get in. My late gutter-tongued aunt also is a source of inspiration when words fail me. I do so largely for the sake of flow, authenticity, and naturality when the context calls for it. And trust me, the material is as juicy and colourful as one can get, not to mention seemingly bottomless. Makes for fantastic therapy. :-)

My fiend received a bit of good news the other day that his stocks went up. He had like a 3K share investment in a small bottled water company for a long time that never really went anywhere and now his 3K is worth 11K overnight. If a company like Coke buys them out he could end up with millions. I've never tried or learned how to do anything on the stock market but I think I'd like to try buying some shares of something but not spend too much.

Yesterday, I thought about someone I was once very much interested in. He misses me. He dreams of having me back. It's odd to be that person, the one who "got away" that they regret losing. They revealed to be selfish & awful, giving mixed signals unnecessarily. They showed interest a lot, but then got unpleasant when the interest was reciprocated. They weren't single, either. I shouldn't have made excuses for them in the quest to be empathetic. I believe in being straight forward: if you're unhappy in your current relationship, then you talk about it to either make it work or you end it, not look for what you're missing in someone else while keeping the relationship going. If you're interested in someone, own it, admit it, show it. I don't see the joy or value in social game playing. It doesn't do anyone any favors. It only caused heartache in this case. For what, to kill boredom? They were bored so they invited/lured/seduced/charmed someone else into their life & wasted their time to make up for poor life choices because they lacked self-awareness or honesty? Now, years later, I'm glad I chose to walk away from them. In the end, I realized how I deserved better. I am single & I'm much happier. I think we teach some pretty crappy values & behaviours in society. I fail to see the value of getting involved with people intimately when dysfunction & complications are the norm. We have taught, encouraged, reinforced, & rewarded the wrong behaviours & I choose to stop supporting these & the people who feed that kind of life. I can excuse this from someone really young due to inexperience, not from a middle-aged educated professional with the knowledge of the world to encourage self-development a mere Google search or a click away. Distance does not make problems go away. Instead it allows the hurt to grow stronger. It makes the people we do wrong by go away. I don't want him or anyone like him ever. He blew it, especially by playing games and through inaction. I learned my worth by knowing boundaries that I learned to maintain. As I said: I am single & I'm much happier so I thank him for the experience as I thank him for doing all he did to spare me from being with him. I am very fortunate, indeed.