Confessions

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I left before the parade started

I'm middle-aged was transitioning a few year to female but stopped as people thought I was a cross dresser even in the gay community I was thought & seen as a crossdresser not as a transwoman....so I stopped, since then I have identified as non-binary/gender nonconforming, yet still seen and referred to as "dude, buddy. sir" etc even though I try to ask to be seen as non-binary...... anyway today I went to check out the Pride Parade & left before it started....I have no friends, no connections with people in the community & when i saw people with their friends, family, girlfriends/, boyfriends/partners I felt like shit, these events are great if you have people to meet there or go with, not when you go by yourself...& no I don't happen to meet people there...it's been like this all the times I go....I don't want to go up to someone & introduce myself....that's creepy.....I don't identify as a cis male, I don't identify as a gay man....I don't know maybe I'm too alternative or something & Pride is just too mainstream....I don't know....I don't know what's wrong with me:(

Can you feel it?

Praying for a thick shroud of fog that lasts for three days!!!

Treat Day

I've cut eating out down to about once every two to three weeks. Today is one of those days. Given that I used to eat out everyday due to stress/depression/laziness, I'm surprised how disciplined I've been. It's been really hard. But, not being able to afford rent and being on strike/laid off is scary. I just hope I can keep this up until it's the good times again. Good luck everyone!

An odd realization...

Ive realized something. I don't care about sex or cumming or w/e. But I would love to have someone to kiss, cuddle, hold & talk to. That's what I want. That's why I've been intrigued in chastity cages lately. I'd happily be locked away if it meant I had someone to talk to. to give myself fully to someone would be ideal.

I want to delete it

But I haven’t been able to do it yet. I found a recording that has my ex’s voice on it. I hadn’t heard their voice at all since we broke up a long time ago, and suddenly there they were. It was a shock to hear it again and stirred up so many confusing emotions. I know I should delete it but I keep finding myself playing it over again just to hear their voice. I’ve been so strong for all this time and now I feel weak again. I’m so mad at myself!

Time = Respect

My manager had a choice today: he could move one item from Box A to Box B as he's already in the office, or have me commute 2.5 hours to do the same. The item has no bearing on my paid work. If the item stays in Box A, it's not part of my job duties. He asked me to come in. Fortunately a coworker offered to move the item for me. Point blank I realized that my manager doesn't have my back at all and would prefer to do nothing and have me on transit for 2.5 hours. It's times like these I wish I were independently wealthy.

Restaurants

should have a sink just for washing hands. In other countries you see them all the time. Its so frustrating waiting 10 minutes for people doing god knows what in the bathrooms. I just want to wash my hands before I eat! Also, to those who take forever in restaurant bathrooms: I hate you.

The

pandemic anxiety has left me with separation anxiety with my Mom. I’m 39.

Donkey

Figuratively my boss kicks me like a donkey, oftentimes in group email chain. Do something, do it faster, what’s the answer? And like a donkey I stop moving, stubbornly shutting down. I’ll move again when I damn feel like it.

Hard to understand

When an organization so proud of all their plaques of all the free funding and free donations and free land , free building supplies and free money giving to them by people and businesses so proudly displaying in the entrance showing how much money they have collected on the wall when you enter the building in my life yet this free shit never trickle down to the people that need it most. I have never seen more outdated, old shitty equipment, furniture or free garbage just placed in a building in my life ! And they don't care about the people living here when you call to complain they just keep quoting spec's and code by-laws. Where is all this Funding going ? Right into their shitty little pockets! It's appalling ! Appalling !

I SAW YOU

ferry to mayne island

You asked for directions to the Mayne island ferry departure area and I was on my way to Galiano....

SAVAGE LOVE

Dan Savage: That husband over there

A woman asks Dan for advice on encouraging her husband to have an anonymous encounter with another woman.