Confessions

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Uncle George and the bee

My uncle George took me for walks when I was in my childhood. He almost got stung by a bee and got mad at it. Then many years later, I moved to East Vancouver, and my uncle George came to visit us from Montreal. We went for a walk to McDonald’s on Main Street and he saw another bee. He thought it was the same bee that remembers him and I was like say whaaaaat?” The guy smoked fields of weed right up until the last breath of his life. I loved him and still do. Rest in peace my dear WoWo.

Safeway on West 4th

After what seemed to be an eternity waiting for the cashier to ring in and pack your groceries in a seemingly unending process, a gentleman in the other line ushered me ahead of him saying, "Go ahead, you've been waiting quite a while". Shortly after, I said to you, "It would really help if you learned to pack your own groceries", To which you replied something about minding my own business. I just wanted to apologize for my unsolicited advice. My impatience got the better of me.

Escape

I used to think a lot about having my own little house in the woods. I still do from time to time, but lately that's been overtaken by the idea of creating a living space inside of a natural cave, something cozy but still airy. Living inside a tienkeng would be amazing too. I think it appeals to my subconscious desire to escape and be hidden.

Melancholy tranquility

I've been reflecting on relationships these days. I'm not in one and I'm coming to terms with the realization that I won't ever be in one. As I age out of the era of one-night stands (which sucks because sex is awesome), I am okay to be single. While I like the idea of love, I am not sure whether I'm built for the compromises that demand it. And I like my own bed to myself as I'm a light sleeper. Occasionally, I'm a bit sad that it wasn't in the cards for me. There was a time where I really thought it might be possible, but I couldn't find anyone fearless enough to fight for being together. Nobody thought I was worth the effort, I suppose. That is what is sad.

Hairy Question

To dye or not to dye that is the big question ? So I've been dying my hair forever and I'm sick of doing it cause it stinks and it's messy and the colour never comes out the colour shown on the box. But my roots are really coming in some dark ass colour mixed with a bit of grey I've noticed recently ( great ). So my question is to leave it see what colour my hair would actually be and deal with dark hair growing in like a racoon for months on end or dye it again ? Hummm pondering :)

Ablaze

I’ve become a dull person. I wish I had the resources to go find what wakes me up as a human being but I don't. I feel afraid to risk the stability I’ve acquired. But which decision will I regret when I’m 80? Will I curse myself for not saving enough money to live or will I regret not making my life worth living? I don’t think I can strike a balance to afford both.

Crazy for _ _ _

That was something. It felt like a lifetime of experience. Every moment effortless and truly special. Never had I felt like this. We could have spent eternity together. There still wouldn't be enough time. I couldn't begin to explain how extraordinarily sorry I am or how much you meant to me. I guess that's the thing about.. I don't know where the hell I am now. You will never read this, but whatever you think or feel, please know If there is such a thing, you were it for me. I lived every moment with you. I regret that there is any doubt about our experience. I regret this in every cell.

So Effing depressed.

Not suicidal…. But just so sad and angry and miserable and medicated.

Doormat

I feel anxious. Watching a dear coworker put on a brave cheery face. But I can start to see the bruises blooming from overwork. The imbalanced relationship is wearing on them. They reassure they’re fine and it won’t last. I used to be in a similar relationship with work. it lasted years. I remember how I thought, the choices I made and how much it cost me in the end. Only a doormat welcomes being walked all over.

Never have I

I've never used the acronym LOL. I admit i have an aversion it. LOL reminds me a friend of a mutal friend. Due to that connection, we were around each other fairly frequently but we never did gel - always some form of awkward (polite) tension. That person used LOL constantly. Silly, but I'm aware of this block. I just use other ways and symbols to express humour or lighten up a txt or email.

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