older. I have reached a point, as I approach middle age, where I have fewer and fewer illusions about people and life in general and it is great! Sure, there are a few wrinkles on my face and a few more creaks in my muscles and bones but I would not trade them for the intense angst of my youth. I no longer have any drama or feel the need to impress others or seek attention and validation as I did in my younger years. Also, many problems I used to have have just sort of worked themselves out naturally over time. Enjoy being young, but really I think getting older is better!!
When I was younger, I was jumpily nervous,anxious, and sensitive. I also know, at some level I was decent looking boy, as I would, in the way teens can be at times, was very obviously 'chased'. However my anxiety meant a lot of the early experiences were not the most satisfying ( for either of us) So I guess my shyness and fear of failing intimately maybe created an emotional distance as I pushed advances away. When I was younger I was incredibly sociable, and would be known among friends as a happy bachelor, having flings but not wanting to settle.
Jump forward to a man in my 40's, I still at some level am that nervous boy, but it is hidden more, maybe overcompensating at times, as most of my current circle think of me as social, ( in non covid times!) confident and still, committed to not being 'tied down'. But these are just habits developed as strategies, as when younger, being 'seen' as being nervous was big no no, so the sharper aspects of it easily masked, in a social life that involved clubs and all the 'confidence' boosters provided in that environment.
But if someone makes clear signals they are interested, even if I am attracted to them, I panic, and will often mess up any chance, of feign disinterest. I often get involved in women who are very unavailable, and I believe that unavailability is the lure at times. The truth be told, I'm so afraid. My own deep dislike of myself means I feel anyone I become intimate with will see right away all that I most dislike about myself, and concur, effectively confirming my beliefs.
I do feel so sad and unfulfilled, and fear I will never know what its like to truly know, support and be supported by someone in a close bond. I feel my own self sabotage makes this increasingly impossible as the years clock by
With masks now optional indoors, I judge those who choose to opt-out of wearing them and steer clear.
Sorry, BC government, but I do not agree with you about lifting mask rules. I will be wearing my mask for a long time coming. I work with children, and yes, children CAN transmit.
I had a eureka idea. My apt building always has weird smells like food and cleaners and you knows apt smells. I'll start cloning my cannabis plant and leave them in the lobby, so everyone can take free plants. I figure, if everyone has cannabis plants in their unit the building might smell nice more often.
Now I hope I won't cave in & undelete them, too much toxicity on them, too much false sense of whom your true friends are & are liked, Facebook & Instagram are online drugs that get you hooked....pretty well a cult.
Honest to God I’m not very excited at the idea of people having a choice on whether they want to wear masks on public transit or not. I got vaccinated but haven’t taken my mask off since this pandemic took over the world. I have not been sick once ever since I’ve kept it on.
Before my girlfriend and I broke up, we were going to have a ménage a Trois with her friend. I really liked that idea and things seemed to go according to plan until she put a stop to it. She didn’t even talk about it anymore. I wondered why. Looking back now, I think my ex girlfriend was jealous. She had this theory that I’d probably find her friend more attractive than she was. Well if that’s how she felt then I guess she’s right. My ex girlfriend’s friend was way better looking anyhow. Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
I cannot help but feel that Canada is falling apart. Only rich people can afford to have kids. Nobody else can afford a house or the necessities to create a stable environment for them. What a terrible mess... and everyone is politically fighting each other instead of working against the causes of it. The government and corporations hate us.
A gentleman I began seeing confessed he was married on our third date. Though he insisted it was just a “formality”, I have zero interest in any type of adultery, so I ran away as fast as I could. No regrets about doing so, but I am still sad as he was the first person I could see myself falling for in quite a while. Thanks again, dating apps.
Anonymous encounters may be taboo for a single mother, but I am always discrete and insist upon protection.