Confessions

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Would you date yourself?

They say if your answer is yes, then you are ready to be in a relationship. My answer is no. I’ve been told that I’m very likeable in appearance and personable. I am loving, considerate, witty, playful and have a good heart. But I don’t make enough money! I feel I’m not good enough to have a relationship with someone if I don’t have the extra money to enjoy life with someone. And I noticed now lots of guys want someone to share 50% of all the bills. I don’t have any debt, never had any in my life, but I also don’t own a place or a car. I rely all on myself. I can only pay for all my survival and little bit of extra expenses. I gave up on wanting a boyfriend or a partner because of this reason. Because I don’t earn enough. It’s a bit sad because I know I am a wonderful human being and can put in a lot in a relationship.

A little dog...

I saw my ex today walking the dog they gifted me. I chose not to see the dog after we parted ways. My ex partner was walking with someone else. They did not see me. I stood in the corner of my building, watching the scene unfold. The apparition ended some 30 seconds later, as they were out of sight. I got home and noticed tears streaming down my face. I miss that little dog. No, I don't miss my ex, not comparing myself with the other person, not jealous, not wishing them any ill. I hope a little strand of my longing has reached out to my little doggie...to let him know that I still love him, even though he does not see me.

They do know

I used to make excuses for my ex’s bad behaviour. I used to think maybe he just didn’t understand how it was hurting me and if I could just explain it to him he’d stop. But no matter how many times I explained nothing changed. My therapist made me see things more clearly when she said that if someone only behaves in certain ways when you’re alone with them, they know exactly what they’re doing. It was a lightbulb moment for me. If they know enough to hide it, they know that what they’re doing is wrong, so abusing you is a CHOICE.

I think...

... that there has not been a confession about eating delicious chicken for some time. It's wonderful to live in a society where any hour of the day you can go out of your house and find chicken readily prepared for you in restaurants. It speaks to the greatness of this place that there is a continual supply of edible chicken. It is uninterrupted. May the chicken flow.

Evicted

I am beyond upset with the Residential Tenancy Branch. I was given a eviction notice and I disputed it. I had a hearing awhile back and my Landlord who owns 20 properties was treated way better than me. The Landlord never gave me his address and by the time I got it going through the proper channels it took forever and then I had to send it by Registered Mail and he wasn't there to receive it and picked it up 5 days later and by then my evidence was late. So they didn't hear my evidence at all because its late. Meanwhile he only provided texts and evidence in such a manner that it made me seem like I was crazy. He didn't do anything to fix like 10 items but only showed the evidence when he fixed things to make it seem like he was doing everything to help me. There was literally one instance when he was scheduled to fix things and I had to cancel and he used that to say I wouldn't provide him access to the suite. Then he shows receipts from Home Depot for a new exhaust fan, a new toilet, a new kitchen sink, etc to show he purchased the items but I wouldn't let him in the suite to fix them. I am trying to explain to them that he owns 20 properties so the receipts don't mean anything because they could be for the other properties but they didn't listen. He came in the summer when its like 35 degrees and I was wearing a sports bra and booty shorts and he has this text to me where he said I was dressed inappropriately. I can dress however I want in my place. He provided something like 100 pages of evidence that was dated, with page numbers, and a table of contents. He even had like a timeline of events. I just thought it would be more like a discussion instead of a full blown court case. I am just so upset and don't know what to do because he got an order of possession so I am evicted.

The tables have turned

There was a confession about a man mistreating a dog, and today I saw a dog mistreating a man. I called the SPCA on it.

Huh?

I was seeing this guy that I was completely in love with on and off for a couple of years, but he was never willing to move anything to the next level, and he never said he loved me either. I was losing interest in being available for this guy’s constant game playing, so when another guy started showing a lot of interest in me, I was intrigued. I wound up ending things with Mr unavailable (not because of the other guy, but because we just fought too much and nothing was changing) and was single for a couple of months before I agreed to go out with the other guy just to see how I would feel. After 2-3 dates with the other guy I realized that I just wasn’t feeling it, so I stopped seeing him, and never dated him again. The first guy and I wound up seeing each other again a few months later, but it never led to anything solid and we split up for good. I recently had a conversation with him about what went down between us and he still believes that I “cheated” on him. But how can you cheat on someone who treats you like a casual f-buddy? He even called me his friend, not his girlfriend, but he still expected me to act like his wife or something! The audacity of someone to think that they own you, even if they don’t really want you themselves, is unbelievable.

I don't care

Whenever I see people on Hinge that write inane things in their profiles, I just make of them. One weirdo bragged about her un godly obsession with dad bods and beards, so I messaged her first with one word. "Why?" And then another demands that her future boyfriend "Must follow Christ." So then I said, "Whether you believe in God or Mother Nature is nobody's business but your own." I just call them out. Of course I may get criticized but it doesn't bother me.

Regrets

I’ve heard people say that we shouldn’t have regrets, and mostly that’s how I live. But when I think about it, I realize that the regrets I do have are always because of the times I didn’t listen to my own voice. I listened to the people who said I wasn’t good enough to want better. The ones who told me not to ask for anything. To settle for any guy no matter how awful he was or how wrong we were together. Marry him because you can’t just be a single woman. Wow were they wrong. So here’s what I say to any young woman now: don’t settle! Do what feels right in your own gut. Listen very carefully to your instincts because they’re going to guide you better than any other person ever could. Don’t seek perfection in a relationship but don’t settle for one that doesn’t make you sing either. If I had it all to do over, I would never get married. I would have done the things that were important to me, not the things that made my parents happy. I’ve made my peace with the decisions I made in the past because you can’t change them, but I will always be honest about my feelings now. If I had known then how huge a sacrifice I was making, I would not have made it.

Mature consumption

I've come to the conclusion that some content -- books, films, documentaries, historical events -- should only be consumed when you reach a level of emotional and experiential maturity to appreciate it. Sometimes you've gotta re-consume the same thing over again multiple times at different points in your life, and you never absorb it the same way twice. I just watched a whole documentary about Pol Pot and the Cambodian Genocide, followed by another about North Korea's deadly Arduous March. Were I to have watched either as a kid (my parents were pretty lax about censorship), I admit I wouldn'tve understood a darn thing. I'm now in my 40s and shaken to the bone. The same goes for reading Fahrenheit 451 - and the Bible, and for researching the skeletons in my family's closet... etc. We live in an age where content is out the open like an Egyptian bazaar. I'm all for access to it all, but really, age does really make so many things relative/relevant. Also, the ability to discern good from bad quality content is getting ever more harder, yet it's so essential to helping us become better quality people.

I SAW YOU

Bar at the Westin Bayshore

You were by yourself at H tasting lounge bar inside the Westin Bayshore hotel. You had the...