I would like New Years Day moved to March 1st. December is too crowded for events. The months that are named after numbers 7, 8, 9, and 10 will make sense again. January can be a month of rest. February a month of reflection, preparation, and celebration for the new year. And March is when spring begins.

Years ago I spent a lot of time at this place. There were regulars and the music playing had a particular sound. There’s a way people dress when you go and everyone speaks a similar way. I’d drink what the patrons were having and talk about spirits. It felt like my whole life was there. And then I just…stopped going. Now when I am exposed to anything that has the faintest whiff of that place I get the heebie-jeebies. What I see looking in from the outside of those memories scares me and I will never go back to church.

My resentment stems from my inability to act on my own needs.

I spend a lot of time answering the phone. The first two seconds of a call reveal what kind it will be. Flattery generally means someone wants something from you, likely a salesperson. Rambling means it’s going to be a long call. Background chatter and muffled rustling - a butt dial. But the worst call starts with the phrase, ‘You people’. It normally foretells a snide over generalized and paranoid one sided conversation where the caller emotionally dumps their putrid baggage they’ve been specially fermenting. Just. For. You. Of course you’re never allowed to fight back. You must kindly tell the person on the line that their language is inappropriate and let them know you will be hanging up. That response never sat well with me. I have yet to think of something better.

I was a bird so I could fly by and shit on all the people who have crossed me.

I've spent the whole day inside so far just listening to music. Peaceful.

When someone shares a traumatic experience with you, telling them that you would never tolerate that or that you don’t understand why they still love that person isn’t at all helpful. Those situations are far more complicated than most people realize. Love / hate happens all the time, and usually it happens when someone has been abused as a child. They don’t know what “normal” looks like. For example, they got sexually abused by someone they were taught to love, like a parent or grandparent. That person isn’t awful to them all the time, so they wind up feeling so confused and conflicted. They grow up and encounter other people who abuse them, but not all the time and they don’t know what normal is so it feels like love hurts, and they keep trying to do things differently so that person will treat them right, because they’re used to being blamed for their own mistreatment. So instead of immediately jumping to that conclusion and judging that person for being in that type of situation, try understanding why they’re in it in the first place. It can happen to anyone, even someone who appears to be strong on the outside.

But I find someone dressed to workout and reading a book on the bus very sexy.

I will probably not hear the end of it. I apologized to everyone involved and they were nice but I still feel really embarrassed. I recently attended a gathering of a dozen or so friends and had a bit too much to drink for my Asian genes to handle. Apparently, on my way out I called out something to the effect of "Everyone have sex! Enjoy!" Probably won't attend another such gathering for the next 5 or maybe 10 years.

I had forgotten about the return of full nasal functionality. Now everything and everyone smells like either shit, cat piss or sweaty balls. I should start smoking again.