Confessions

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I am a petty asshole

Watching my ex's dreams crash and burn felt exactly as positive as I thought it would. A weight really did lift off of me. I tried to be a bigger person, but they knew their actions wreck my dreams. An simple apology or watching their dreams burn, whichever came first was all I wanted.

The Weekend

A long time ago, my friend told me the weekend is from the end of work Friday 5pm to Monday morning 9am. I’ve never forgotten that and maximize my weekend right up until the minute of logging in Monday morning, my boss be damned.

I’m no snitch

But I know more than a couple people claiming to have Covid to get off work. It’s a good idea. Maybe I should try.

Ok, I admit iit

I felt like shit today. My hair was goofy. But man oh man I was getting play from the hotties all day long. I confess, I may have been misusing the power of my hair.

The Lifespan of a Chameleon

Five years. I am nearing the end of a life sentence I’ve served after losing my home of close to ten years. The landlord chose to evict 6 people in a 6 bedroom home, to house a young son. I dream of affording a home that can’t be taken out from under me. But then I wake up.

I miss my childhood home

Near main and king edward. I lived there for nearly twenty years. It's like I live in a different reality now, so many homes later -- a much darker and more painful one. Every time I look at old pictures of the block, it instantly triggers those older, largely happier feelings and memories. Of a time when I was still capable of feeling okay, effortless and at ease. Those positive states weren't even the majority of my experiences there, but still the living memories remain. I don't want to regress back to that stage in life, but it's nostalgic.

Slow Reader

I admit that I'm a slow reader, in both my languages. I always have been, and I've always felt guilty for being so thanks to the school system. It takes me longer to grasp passages of text than "normal" readers. That said, as I read, I hear, see, feel, taste, smell words, voices, worlds... In other words I absorb what I read as though I'm savoring vintage wine. As you read this, you're probably like, "so what?" I get you. My point is that I'm now no longer embarrassed or ashamed for being slow and taking my time -- contrary to what my teachers, peers, speed reading courses, and even parents essentially accusing me of being stupid or "suffering from a learning handicap". I hated tests for years... reading fast under pressure, and then failing miserably. It left me feeling as though I'd never make it anywhere in life, especially in the big fish eats little fish capitalist world. I refuse to give in and let myself get run down by that. It may take me forever to finish a book or to mentally sort out the newspaper article I just read, but for what it's worth... The worlds that I've visited (and in two tongues!) have added so much to and shaped me. It's just such a bummer that I had to wait to finish school, and university, and wait ten years to shake that trauma just to realize that.

Finding a job

I took time off to have a kid and go back to school, now I'm trying to find a job and everyone is asking why I have no employment for a few years umm.. I was taking care of a kid and doing pt school so it took me like 5-6 years to do my BA... I'm trying to find a job for the past 6 months with no luck... I don't understand, I have great experience, great references, great GPA, but I just can't get hired. One company lead me on for two months, made it seem like I was going to get hired interviewed me 5 times just to go with someone else another company didn't want to proceed with an interview cuz I accidentally failed a typing test (my cat jumped on the keyboard, and I had one attempt to pass). I'm a good employee! Im smart and I work hard! Please hire me... please give me a chance...

tiredeyes

sometimes, like right now, i get overwhelmed because my parents love me, and i never saw my mom, and now she always texts me, just to let me know that's she thinking of me and that she loves me. i had all this resentment, but i really wanted my mom to love me deep down. as a child, i just wanted her to come and see me because nothing was stopping her. i cried a lot after christmas because my dad apologized for hurting me and wished he stood up for me more, he realized that i was completely neglected. it felt really good to be loved by my parents, for them to acknowledge the past. i feel like a child now. i'm twenty six and i'm sobbing because i'm so relieved to be loved by my parents. i never felt this love when i was a kid. they were both drunk and yelled at us all of the time. my sister is estranged from our family and she's got her own issues, but i guess in a way i held it together well enough. i have a hard time seeing her and accepting the way that she cut everyone off, but i understand. i'll always be her sister who lived that same life she did. i screwed up on a lot of things but i haven't fallen apart quite yet. in some ways, i'm really lucky. i'm grateful for my family and this life.

I SAW YOU

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