I have Netflix, but I actually prefer to watch old public domain films with a drink or two.
I wonder if it makes me truly mad.
I confess that I feel completely overwhelmed by crises happening in my life. Every time I think I’m actually happy and things are going pretty well, something new happens and I’m knocked down again by the stress and sadness. I love my people so much. It’s heartbreaking when I’m helpless to be able to stop the awful things happening to them. I’m struggling so much in my own life and barely managing to stay afloat, and I’m losing sleep and feeling sick because of all the worry about them. I don’t know what I can do other than just be there to listen, but I feel so depleted so much of the time that I’m just too exhausted to do the things I need to do for myself. Sometimes the world is just too damned much. It’s times like these when I wish I had a partner to lean on, just to be able to share the weight of it all.
I quit drinking but most of my clothes have beer logos on them
So much time wasted, just trying to survive each day, doing basics. Now I'm in my 40's and I'm haunted that it's too late for hopes and dreams.
It’s so rare. Finding the real people who you can talk to about anything. Real feelings, real emotions, genuine opinions about world events, philosophy, science. Everything is open for discussion. You can say anything without having to worry about whether you’re being PC enough or whether they’re going to judge you. I’ve got two precious people in my life like this and I cling to them tightly, because everyone else is much too worried about being popular, or they just don’t have the depth or intelligence to dive beneath the surface of things. The problem is that I almost never see my two special friends because one of them lives about an 8 hour drive away and the other one is too busy most of the time. I’m just so tired of small talk or complaints and gossip. I need REAL.
Which was both painful and shameful. Everyone wants to be on target in life, but lately it seems it's getting tougher. I want to try again tomorrow though. I must be a glutton for punishment.
Pre pandemic and probably the last 15 years I've been pretty fit. I hit 40 just before the pandemic and was pretty happy with who I was. 2 years later I have a punch. Maybe it's a 40's ponch, maybe it is a pandemic ponch. All I know is that it is not going anywhere. I've tried the gym, less, more, extreme, etc. I've tried dieting. Eating more. Eating nothing. No affect. Most of my is fit except this belly ponch. When I watching TV it's jiggly, but when I stand up it's... well it's still there. like a fanny pack. Guess I got to accept it.
This week was my birthday, turned 70. I was looking forward to reading some texts or emails from old friends or current friends as I always make a point of wishing them happy birthday and have the dates marked on the calendar. Well, you guessed it - not one single message! Feeling pretty alone.