Dating Blues

I just don't understand how so many people are meeting people online. I have a profile up on multiple dating sites and the only men that contact me are out of shape, old, and bald. I am 37 years old and am in great physical condition and people often comment how I look like I am 21 years old. I have a great personality and have traveled the world. Dating is becoming hopeless.

Coming back to life

I've been in a deep depression for years. Life has been a mess. I had blamed everyone else for my problems yet done nothing about it - everything I hated in a person. I met a man in 2018. I fell pregnant and we got married. As I write the true facts of these events I wonder if I'm being dramatic but friends and family remind me how bad it really was. I blamed myself for not having dinner ready for him after work every day which irritated him. He physically assaulted me so I left him. My daughter has just seen a pediatrician who strongly suspects that she is on the spectrum. We're on a wait list for an official diagnosis but it takes over a year. The diagnosis is important because it means we can have some treatment covered. Being a single mom I can't afford to pay privately. I cried when I heard the doctor's opinion but now have educated myself. There is nothing wrong with autism. If anything, it makes her interesting. She is hilarious. I love how when people say hi to her she looks at them like they're idiots. I know that's awful to say but I've wondered at times if she's on the spectrum or just doesn't give a crap. Either way she cracks me up and I love her from the bottom of my heart. I had been diagnosed with kidney problems which I had a pity party over. Yesterday a major shift happened. It felt like the sun came up for the first time in a million years. I cleaned my place so well you could eat off any surface. My body didn't feel like it was falling apart. My face had colour. I stepped outside the door to inhale the spring air. I looked up at the sky and thought to myself I'm so happy to be alive. I've lived through many things and will to be able to help my daughter through life which is something I never had. I feel happy for once in a very long time. I can't wait for my girl to get up so we can head to the park. I had my kidneys retested and found out yesterday that they're back up to 90%. Life is beautiful and change has come.


With more time to think these days, I came to the realization that I’ve spent way too many years pining after this person or another, heartbroken over this person or another. It seemed “special” every time, but in truth I mostly just very badly wanted to be validated as “wanted” by anyone half-decent. I overlooked red flags, compromised my values, and clung onto relationships way past their expiration dates. This is something I’m determined to finally work through now. Sending love to anyone else struggling with low self-worth and anxious attachment.

dear girl in the parking lot

...i know your taken. just meeting someone like you gives me hope again, where it was lost before. your one of those rare beautiful on the inside people & it comes forth in your eyes,smile & energy. i don't approach alot of people normally or try anymore since covid. it was a big deal for me to come out of my shell (& even try approaching/talking) , let alone have it be welcome & well received. So grateful for that. there has been many hard things over the last year, the rain had me feeling down. a glimpse of your beauty brought the sun out for me. relight that flame inside, let me know that there's good ones still. the universe showed me a sign today & there's good things for me in it still. gratitude for your kindness, openness & beautiful vibes. hope to see your golden soul again & if not... im glowing knowing your out there.


I will not be resuming my promiscuous lifestyle when the pandemic is under control.It's too much hassle and I've gotten used to the slow pace of life,eating at home,walk the dog and learning the boogie woogie piano to irritate the neighbours...

Dream Boobs

I had a vivid dream I was scrolling through Facebook and my dream person had updated their profile picture to a topless picture. WOW! Can you even do that?? I immediately scrolled past because I was in public (in my dream) and felt super excited to wake up and check this out in real life (and definitely download the photo). When I awoke I immediately looked them up on FB...but the dream world is not the real world.

Give me all the shorter guys that you don't want

I fantasize about my smoking hot married 5'6" boss because my boyfriend's size makes some positions painful or impossible...let's just say his middle circumference is in the "danger zone" on any health chart. Men, don't worry about that arbitrary 6' limit you encounter in the minefield of online dating. I would have gotten together with a shorter guy but I never met a non-married one who likes me as a person. (Married ones, though...oh boy, they follow me around like I'm leading them on a great when they're around me they're just....happy....) Ladies, you don't know what you're missing.

Solo breakfast thoughts.

I confess it’s difficult to fight against loneliness day after day. It changes your brain. You feel quiet desperation. Before the pandemic, you’d look at people in the grocery store, hoping to start a conversation with anyone, without looking like you’re unstable or imposing. You begin to wonder if this is how your life was supposed to be. You regret ever telling anyone you’ve experienced mental health issues in the past, because they all behaved as though it were a plague they couldn’t get away from fast enough. Loneliness changes your brain, distorts all of your thinking, about everything, convinces you you’re hopelessly unlikable. You can feel cold heartache in your bones.

I can’t wait to

leave vancouver as soon as this pandemic situation is over and I can finally travel. Stuck at my parents house and can’t believe how long this has dragged on. Holy f-ing shit!!!!!!!


Amanda from Saskatoon and Victoria, now of...

I checked on you to make sure you were OK, after seeing you walking on the train tracks in East...


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