Confessions

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So what?

I didn’t catch up on the eclipse today. Didn’t even notice anything happening outside. For some reason, it just doesn’t do it for me. None of these things capture my interest or make me want to orgasm.

lonely heart's club

She discovered her last Tinder guy was still with his wife. I had just been through a fresh breakup so we cuddled for a night. I shouldered her troubles and supported her emotionally for a few months until she disappeared with the next Tinder guy without a trace.

Found in translation

I professionally translate/adapt dialogue for plays, movie scripts, TV shows and the like from X language into English. I confess that whenever I get to the argument bits, I always pepper the text with witty one liners and fleeting expletives from (in some cases, decades' old) fights between me and all my exes, and from bitter-turned-comical spats my mum and dad used to get in. My late gutter-tongued aunt also is a source of inspiration when words fail me. I do so largely for the sake of flow, authenticity, and naturality when the context calls for it. And trust me, the material is as juicy and colourful as one can get, not to mention seemingly bottomless. Makes for fantastic therapy. :-)

Omission experts

The worst kind of liar is one who lies by omitting crucial information. Like if they say things like “I’m not seeing anyone else!” and accuse you of imagining things when the fact is that they’re not currently seeing anyone else but they were when you accused them of it. So they’re not technically lying but they’re just omitting the facts. So many other examples but you get the picture. They’re gaslighting experts because they make you question your sanity.

Thoughts about the past

Yesterday, I thought about someone I was once very much interested in. He misses me. He dreams of having me back. It's odd to be that person, the one who "got away" that they regret losing. They revealed to be selfish & awful, giving mixed signals unnecessarily. They showed interest a lot, but then got unpleasant when the interest was reciprocated. They weren't single, either. I shouldn't have made excuses for them in the quest to be empathetic. I believe in being straight forward: if you're unhappy in your current relationship, then you talk about it to either make it work or you end it, not look for what you're missing in someone else while keeping the relationship going. If you're interested in someone, own it, admit it, show it. I don't see the joy or value in social game playing. It doesn't do anyone any favors. It only caused heartache in this case. For what, to kill boredom? They were bored so they invited/lured/seduced/charmed someone else into their life & wasted their time to make up for poor life choices because they lacked self-awareness or honesty? Now, years later, I'm glad I chose to walk away from them. In the end, I realized how I deserved better. I am single & I'm much happier. I think we teach some pretty crappy values & behaviours in society. I fail to see the value of getting involved with people intimately when dysfunction & complications are the norm. We have taught, encouraged, reinforced, & rewarded the wrong behaviours & I choose to stop supporting these & the people who feed that kind of life. I can excuse this from someone really young due to inexperience, not from a middle-aged educated professional with the knowledge of the world to encourage self-development a mere Google search or a click away. Distance does not make problems go away. Instead it allows the hurt to grow stronger. It makes the people we do wrong by go away. I don't want him or anyone like him ever. He blew it, especially by playing games and through inaction. I learned my worth by knowing boundaries that I learned to maintain. As I said: I am single & I'm much happier so I thank him for the experience as I thank him for doing all he did to spare me from being with him. I am very fortunate, indeed.

Deep thoughts

Opportunity doesn’t knock, You need to get out the door and then there’s opportunity !

Dear friend

We used to be friends. I remember the good old days when you were happier and kinder, now you’ve changed clearly. But not for the better. You’ve become a completely different person. You seem spiteful, cynical, and just downright mean. What happened? Where did we lose connection? We were friends. You never used to be like this. Where did we lose each other. Did it just slip away? Did something happen in your life that caused you to behave the way you do? Is there something about you that maybe I should know about? How can I help you? I wish you would just tell me what’s bothering you so that we could put an end to all this. I’m tired of fighting and I don’t want to fight anymore. There’s no need. Just tell me what’s wrong and maybe I can try to help you, even if it’s slightest bit.

I am That Guy

I want a relationship but it never ends up there. It just ends up being sex and not much else. I would like to have a relationship that's more then sex. Its like you bounce from one woman to another. Its always "We're just hanging out". So we're never dating but we have sex 2 or 3 times a week. I don't understand why I am not bf material. I am not a #$#$# boy.

Parallel Selves

The other day, I had my other selves in parallel universes gaze into my own and it was humbling, I'm not gonna lie. One of me was married and happy - a good person - while the other was also single but wildly successful. And he was absolutely FURIOUS that I was not. That I was still living with my parents. WTF?!? He's both ruthless and unforgiving. Scary. But I took solace knowing that God has positioned me where I am for good reason.

Family rumours

I have a cousin that lives in Ontario. There’s been this rumour going around in the family that he’s gay. His parents aren’t the type to discuss these things since they’re from the old school. It seems like they might be having a hard time trying to accept it. I don’t expect it to happen, but if let’s say there comes a time where they decide to open up and confide in me, I would just tell them that no matter what happens he will always be their son and it’s important to let him follow his own path. All that matters is that he has a good sense of himself and is living a happy, healthy life.

I SAW YOU

M

I was biking/you were walking at Richards and Georgia. You looked stunning with your strawberry...