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Back at even ground

After two sh*tty years, beat an addiction(past the 6 month mark this month) and am financially positive. Not by much, but paid off a credit card debt, cut up the credit card, got a temp job and put a couple hundred in savings. Never has even ground felt so nice. I could easily be defeated and look at everything I don't have, but not today. today i'm just happy being even steven. I can pay for my own cup of coffee. woohoo!

Self control

I don’t have any interest in looking up my ex-girlfriends or any former Fairweather friends on Facebook or Instagram because I know it will only make me miserable and depressed. I was grieving for a while but I finally managed to put a stop to it. I got up, got dressed and went out jogging the trails through the forest near my home for quite a few hours. It felt good to clear my mind and concentrate better so that I can stay focused and positive. Never look up people that don’t matter. Never look up anyone who no longer has any importance in your life whatsoever.

Gave my soul to an addict

I met someone 5 years ago. I hadnt dated in years. I fell head over heels in love and i thought he did too. I helped him when he needed help getting on his feet. He was there through a few tragedies in my life. Because of me, he got the life and family back that he lost. We made a life but it turns out he was spending all that he made and borrowing money to fund his fucked up lifestyle. Now i have to start over again. Looking back, i wasnt treated the way i was supposed to be but everyone else was. Not hard to move on when you are someones last choice. Fuck him and the cocaine train he rode in on. I will always be clean and sober. I may not be everyones first choice but i am my first choice.

Gender non-conforming person here

Im of the female sex. Growing up I did not like dresses, I liked to physically fight at recess, never got into make-up or playing with hair do’s but liked to dig in the dirt and I often didn’t like casual girl cloths and opted for looser “boy cloths”. I was told I wasn’t “girly” or that I acted like a “boy”, I’ve literally overheard people I don’t know referring to me a lesbian (Im not) and was made to feel wrong because I was a female doing “non-femenine” things. This was a theme the whole time I grew up. It took a long time for me to become confident in my womanhood and that was only possible when I acknowledged that referring to personality traits, clothing choices, preferences for anything from hair removal to accessory selection as “masculine or feminine” is toxic and inherently inaccurate. Each time I get asked my “gender” on a form the sad little confused girl inside quakes a bit as she’s faced again with expectation of what are “feminine” qualities. Male and female “gender” were constructed on inaccurate, limited and oppressive expectations that already neglected to acknowledge intersexed people. Doesn’t make sense to carry it on.

Tired

Of Drama. Had a co-worker who had somehow convinced herself she was going to be fired. I'm her supervisor and told her (truthfully) I would have heard something about that and I didn't. In spite of this she blabbed to a bunch of clients, who complained to us. It turned out to be based on a rumor that was unfounded. She managed to cause so much chaos and upset so many people that she almost did get fired. When I got home from work, tired and upset, my boyfriend decided I was being cold to him, moped around to the point where I had to ask him what was wrong. He told me, if I didn't know there was no point in talking about it, then made me drag it out of him. As a woman I know we get accused of this manipulative shit all the time but men can be dramatic too, trust me. It's tiresome, makes me want to go live in the woods, away from other people.

I confess I’m on a news boycott for a while

My mental health is suffering: Trump, dead babies in hot cars, Trump, huge increase in hate crimes, racism, xenophobia, homophobia, Trump.... It’s getting to me. No social media, no news, just my books, movies and music for the next several weeks. I’m retired so I can pull off my “hermit” decision.

Coke

Every time I see someone with a coke or pepsi or something I am amazed that people still drink that stuff. Why don't you just eat sugar by the handful?

Victoria's Secret

I know this may seem bizarre and ridiculous (childish even) but I honestly believe good things happen when I wear my maroon Victoria Secret brassiere. I purchased it a year ago and since then, whenever I wore it, I felt unstoppable. I told you, aha, ridiculous. I'm an adult and I have a lucky bra (and no, not "lucky lucky," it's more of magic lucky). I know my definition of "lucky" could be interchangeable with "favourite," but then again, I know some of y'all with lucky socks, aha. Adulting at its finest.

Gross gift

Someone gave me an expensive bottle of Italian wine. I confess I opened it, took one sniff and then poured that shit down the drain. I will never tell them because ouch but EW. Belongs in the sEWer.

I SAW YOU

Buy-Low Jelly Beans

We arrived on our bikes at the grocery store at kingsgate today at the same time. At the checkout...

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